Love or Loathe


It’s 10:00pm and it’s freezing tonight. It’s 40 outside and I almost feel as if a cold is coming on. I figure I should have a cup of chamomile tea in order to keep my body warm from the chill tonight. Definitely can’t afford to get sick right now. I worked today and did a bomb ass balayage that I’m so proud of. I took so much time to paint it but I wanted it to be perfect because I want to submit it for Behind the Chair.

It’s moments like these that reassure me that I’m on the right path and I’m understanding what I’m doing more and more.

Recently I’ve been thinking about the whys of me doing hair. I enjoy doing hair and what it means to me doing hair and how when you really care about doing something and have passion, you can do anything. This is also a problem for me though because this is exactly why I took so long to go to school for Cosmetology. I go back n fourth too much with what I want to do. I’ve always wanted to be a hairstylist since I was 15 years old but I also want to be a graphic artist or model or photographer. I did all of it growing up except hair. It was a big accomplishment for me to go to school for Cosmetology and to now be licensed but I also question myself on many occasions to make sure I’m truly happy doing hair or what the real reason is. I’m very true to myself in that aspect because what’s the point in doing a job you’re miserable doing? Not worth it. I firmly believe in life is too short for all that shit.

That’s where I start to think that not many people understand what all goes into doing hair…

Things people might not understand about doing hair is that you’re dealing with people’s emotions. As a hairstylist I’ve come to realize that most of the people coming in are trusting you to make them feel or look beautiful. Not everyone is like this, some people don’t care what you do as long as it’s good or just want something simple etc etc. But then there’s people who really do have self-esteem issues or just aren’t happy in life. So many times I hear of people who can’t handle these people but sometimes all you really have to do is talk to them and figure out what really might be the issue without prying into their lives. I feel that’s where people trust you more but of course not everyone is manageable and things won’t always work out right with making someone feel good about themselves but you can try.

I really feel for woman a lot ever since working at a hair salon. I hear so many stories of woman getting pregnant and the amount of things they have to endure during pregnancy is so bizarre to me. I really hate hearing stories of woman getting taken advantage of by pompous men or just asshole people in general that fuck with their self-esteem. The longer you stay in toxic relationships, the more your mental health gets trashed because of these people’s ways trying to get you to fit their wants and needs. Not cool.

Although I’m still assisting I look around the salon sometimes how stylists will be dealing with someone who has no self confidence or doesn’t feel pretty. Sometimes I look around and see woman and men all getting their hair done, some with hair loss conditions and others with too much hair to control on their own at home that require them to come in for blow drys. In a way it makes me sad sometimes because if you sit around and observe you can tell who doesn’t feel good about themselves. I just sit and think and try to put myself in their shoes and see how they might feel and that’s what makes me feel more empathetic lately and compelled to do my ultimate best to make someone feel beautiful. I know there will be days that will be better than others and not every day will be a war won, but it should always come close to being won.

Although I’m a man I wouldn’t consider myself a feminist but I just don’t like people getting treated unfairly and it breaks my heart when woman get into relationships where they change themselves completely to fit something for someone else.

I remember watching botched and there was a woman on the show who had gotten huge ass breast implants because her boyfriend told her to get them and they started to really screw with her health so she had to get them taken out and he got so upset about it and ended up leaving her. People are not disposable and hearts should always be guarded. Have self respect and know your worth and know what all you have gone through in the past to find yourself. Love yourself.

We’ve all felt ugly at some point or undesirable but there’s no one as beautiful as you and as cliche as this may sound, everyone is beautiful and special in their own way and that’s the truth.

Then you have the people with just severe self confidence problems that you can’t help unless they help themselves first or seek help. You’d be surprised how self confidence and self image plays such a huge important role in someone’s life. There’s people so unhappy that they will make others feel ugly or affect them in some way because of how they themselves feel inside without knowing how to direct their emotions or to just take out their frustrations on someone else.

To anyone who might have self esteem issues, I say write down everything you don’t like about yourself and everything you do and what you can do to change what you don’t like.

I think my main goal with doing hair is to make others feel the most beautiful that they can feel when coming to me. I’ve already started doing this by just telling my clients how beautiful they are and telling them good things about themselves and just listening to them.. I genuinely care about what my clients tell me and I love to learn people which is what makes my job so exciting. I’ve started to gain a deeper love with some of them and I like that because it helps me see more and more what I can do to help them look and feel the best they can.

So I definitely feel like I’m where I should be and it’s just a good feeling knowing that you’re where you should be in life and having that reassurance by doing a good job and having your clients love their hair.

I just feel happy and you should too. ❤


“I’ve made mistakes, but I believe that
Everything was worth the fight
‘Cause in the end, the road is long
But only ’cause it makes you strong
It’s filled with peaks and twists and turns
Sometimes you have to learn to forget about it.”

-Marina and the Diamonds

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