It’s 2:18am and I’m sitting in front of my computer in pain from getting my side tattooed on Sunday. Figured I’d get on here and fill you guys in on what’s been going on with me and my mindset as of lately.

To be so honest it really wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be getting my side tattooed. I think that it was more of having self control over my thoughts and focusing on the different levels of pain that truly got me through.

My tattoo tip: When the session started I put my head phones in and tried to just listen to music that was super sweet and relaxing that inspired fond memories. While my music was playing I was also very aware of where on my body he was and how much it was hurting to pretty much talk to myself and remind myself that the pain in that area is not going to go away. So when he would pause to wipe my side I wouldn’t let my mind go too far with thinking it was over. When he went back onto the skin I had to mentally prepare again and leave off of the same thought of how it felt before taking a second to change colors and wipe the tattoo. It was strictly mental for me. So if you’re getting a tattoo anytime soon, maybe try that trick and see how it goes?

Once the shading and line work started to reach more of my stomach area is where I started to really lose it going towards the end. I’m just proud as fuck for sitting through the entire session because that shit was not easy going towards the end. I did not want to go back for the shading or coloring. I like instant results so I’ll suffer if it means getting what I want.

When the thoughts you think of bring pain and sorrow, honor those feelings and cry or release whichever healthy way you can but when you’re done, apply pressure until that pain is gone.

Getting this tattoo done was therapeutic to some degree. It was able for me to tap into some deeper emotions because I was also meditating and doing some breathing exercises to help which took my mind all sorts of places.

My Tattoo playlist:

Grimes-Darkseid

Megan the Stallion- Thot Shit

Lana Del Rey-

1. Life is Beautiful
2. Yayo
3. Tomorrow Never Came
4. How To Disappear
5. The Flip side

The Neighborhood

1. Cherry Flavoured
2. Pretty Boy
3. Silver Lining
4. Paradise
5. You get me so High

Troye Sivan-The good side

Troye Sivan- Could cry just thinking about you (this is the one that really did it for me

I melted when I found out he extended the version of the song. I had it on repeat just trying not to cry and just letting myself feel what I need to feel lol.

Here’s the video

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A post shared by troye sivan (@troyesivan)

I was laying in bed the night before on instagram just scrolling through and found a live video of Troye singing that song and it’s been one of my favorites by him since he released his new album last year. Hearing him perform it live was so beautiful! The way he sung it was amazing. I had the video on repeat as I was getting tattooed and just going through the memories in my mind and just allowing myself to start to feel that numbing feeling. Everything kept playing in my mind like a movie. All the pain recently and in the past that has lead me to where I am today. All I can say is that I truly do not give myself enough credit for how strong I am. Everyone gets sad but I do not break easily if at all and just continue on in my life. I love myself more these days than I ever have. All the experiences I’ve gone through and the pain I’ve gone through has continued to shape me and lead me back to myself. I’m at such a huge place in life with self love and just investing in myself that I couldn’t be happier. I barely recognize the person I was 2 months ago and the shit I allowed compared to the shit I don’t even bother dealing with now. My patience has ran thin with people who aren’t serious or just flat out fake or opportunistic that I’ve removed myself from many people to preserve my energy and invest it into my business and the things I’m currently working on. I feel myself evolving and it’s very uncomfortable. Some days I don’t understand how I feel and other days I find myself conflicted with how to deal with conversations. It’s all a part of the adapting process. I’ve gone through many changes in my life and this is probably the biggest one with how much cutting out I’ve done. So there’s that.

Why a dragon tattoo?

Dragons in some cultures can represent evil or the devil. But they also represent fearlessness, rage, balance, freedom, good luck, passion, supernatural power, wisdom, strength, and hidden knowledge. All the things that I’m attracted to and curious about learning. I’ve always been connected to dragons since I was a kid. This tattoo was kind of random though. I booked the appointment out of spontaneity and just went for it.

On a final note. There are some big announcements I’ll be making with my next blog that you guys will definitely want to come back and tune into when I post it! My career is about to take a slight shift and there are some exciting things I’ve been working on that I’ll be announcing as well as a new gig that I picked up on the side where you can see me live on video every night which I’ll be revealing the website. I cannot wait to share. I’ll be making a video on here soon within the next few weeks 🙂

Love you guys ❤️‍🔥