Before I start I don’t want anyone to be reading this and feel like it’s a low blow or me calling anyone old. This is just me trying to express how I feel about age as freely as I can without hopefully not offending anyone.
With just a little bit of time left of me being 26, I sit in my chair and think of how the year went for me. I’m currently making some soup and listening to soft tunes to really get my head straight for this blog lol. I’ve been trying to do something different and make each age and birthday more meaningful than the last so I think of everything I’ve learned through out each age in order for me to see where I stand with myself and my growth.
Each birthday resonates with me in different ways. Earlier 20’s for me was not giving a fuck. I was focused on being young and crazy and just trying to live my life to the fullest. Once I hit 25 I realized oh fuck, I’m getting older.. I need to slow down..
It’s been a great year being 26 but in just hours I’m turning 27 and realize that I’m just getting older from here.. In a way it makes me sad.
I’m not afraid of death but I do think of it often. I wonder where I’ll end up or what waits for me on the other side. If I’ll be judged as good or bad. It’s hard sometimes to not have these thoughts but I can’t help it. Death is inevitable and I don’t want to sound like a total negative downer but we are all headed towards old age I know that but it’s just kind of shitty that this is how things have to be sometimes. 26 showed me how every one deals with aging and how some people can’t handle it while others just know they’re getting older but don’t think much of it and the dynamic between the 2 outlooks can be pretty extreme.
To me age has always just been a number
I’ve been preserving my youth since I was 21. Taking supplements to keep my skin tight. I would take collagen every day and just work on keeping my skin nice. Till this day I continue to use anti aging masks and cleansers to keep me looking young. I feel like the more you don’t look your age, the better. I guess I’ve treated it as a challenge because I still have people thinking I’m either 18 or no older than 22. So I must be doing something right lol.
I know, silly that even though I’m only turning 27 I’m already having these thoughts and I’m sure some of you will read this and roll your eyes because some of you might be older and feel however you feel about age.
Aging isn’t a negative thing though, yeah you get run down, yeah you might not be able to drink like you used to or do the things you were able to when you were young. But how rewarding to be able to tell future generations your experience of growing up. I’ve always felt in my heart that that is the type of old man I would be. The one to tell my nieces and nephews and younger kids my story about growing up and hopefully helping shape some and others to be better people and to care for others.
In a world where sometimes it feels like care and love are slowly fading out like a fad; hold onto those who have emotion and love.
26 was a year of self reflection
I feel like a lot of my growth has obviously been through writing and discovering how much is really on my mind. I’ve become someone I wanted to become by writing down my thoughts and who I believe I am and sticking to it. Doing everything with integrity.
I took a long and very hard look at myself and who I used to be and how much I’ve grown up. I learned to forgive and learned to let go of the past and move forward. The feeling of growing up and learning so many lessons is hard to explain. It’s just a feeling of no longer harboring negative thoughts and feelings towards others.
Part of me feels like most of it was because I was so busy that I had absolutely no time to hate anyone or dwell on who’s hurt me in the past and so on. I learned to just let it go. I learned that people make mistakes and although some of those people should never be spoken to again, sometimes things change and fate has something completely different in store for you. One thing I’m learning to do is not overthink everything and feel like I need to control certain situations and just going with the flow more.
I’ve been looking back at photos and videos that I posted in the past 5 years and can’t believe how much I’ve changed. Somehow I manage to slightly change my style but always keep it relatively the same. My manners and the way I speak have changed and I no longer do much wild shit on video or in photos unless it’s snapchat or something else. I’ve tamed down a lot. Although I’ll always be crazy Brian and be a wild child, I definitely am in love with the man I’m becoming and the amount of care I have for people these days. I’ve settled down a lot but I don’t mind it at all. In a way I feel like 26 prepared me for the amount of knowledge I will gain with 27. 27 is definitely going to be my hardest working age yet. I will apply all of my strength and will into becoming who I want to become this year.
My message to everyone reading this would be to make each birthday count. It’s not just getting older, it’s growing wiser. Growing and shaping into a better person each and every day. Learning to cope with situations and becoming the best person you can be. Think about the amount of advice you could give to someone so lost in life just through everything you’ve experienced in life.
Thank you 26
Now it’s time to make way for 27