It’s 3am and I find myself writing late at night again..

I went to pink box doughnuts earlier since Nick and I used to go allll the damn time late at night. I’ll have doughnuts and watch a movie shortly so I can start to wind down and go to bed.

I have Pandora playing on Connie Francis radio and Bobby Vinton-Blue on Blue just started playing. Funny how music speaks to you or expresses exactly how you feel. I’m sitting outside drinking tea since my allergies have been awful and plan to go to Sheffields Tea shop up in Henderson to refill on my teas since I won’t be that close anymore.

I decided to sit outside tonight and just take in the last few days being here at the apartment since I move on Halloween. I looked around at the apartments around and just thought to myself

What are their homes like? What is their love like if they’re in relationships? What makes these people happy?

What makes a home?

I started to think of what I want my home to look like

Whether I choose to have a family or choose to love again or choose to just live alone.

What really makes a home to me?

I started to envision being in a home with someone I love with kids and maybe 1 pet if that. I thought of Nick and all the things we had planned or had talked about if we ever had kids and had a house together. He always said he felt like he would be the parent that would be the lenient one to let the kids do whatever they want while I would be the parent running the house like a boot camp and keeping the kids in check lol. It was actually pretty accurate because Nick was so easy going and just full of love.

I feel like I’m a lot more simple than I’d like to think.

Before I met Nick I always had this vision of living alone in an apartment with just my cat meow meow and just working and living my life independently. Now that I’ve grown up more and look around at my surroundings, I realize how important family is and how beautiful of a thing it is to have kids and someone who loves you.

It made me think more about what I want for my future and what I see.

I can see myself living in either California or staying here in town. I’d like to think that I could love again but it’s not really a thought right now. I’d want a garden out back full of sunflowers and roses to bring in adoration, loyalty and love.

I would want 2 kids and a big house. I see myself as the type of parent that would make sure his kids realize the importance of receiving and giving love above all lessons kids need to learn. I want my home to be filled with nothing but joy and love. I want a big house so that my kids would have everything they wanted but to teach them to be humble.

I think these days too many parents give their kids EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING and their reasoning is because they grew up poor and didn’t have shit and want their kids to have everything. Well, I’m here today to tell you guys that that’s not the way to raise a kid. These kids are being raised spoiled brats from shit like that. Most parents do it out of the goodness of their heart to give their kids everything but kids will sometimes not appreciate that gesture because they don’t understand the value of a dollar and turn around and just allow to keep receiving but not giving any love or appreciation back. Not saying this is always the case because my mother is the most giving person and has always made sure we had everything we needed and wanted because she always wanted us to be happy but I saw that and chose to make her proud by coming as far in life as I have. That’s my thank you to her for everything she’s done.

I might not be a parent but I can imagine how great of a feeling it is to be proud of your baby you raised to be great. How great of a feeling it would be to be proud of them for either following their dreams or for being well off and happy. At the end of the day it’s all about being happy.

I see myself being the type of parent to have certain weeks where I could sit down with my kids and read to them in their grade school days.

Middle school I’d like to teach them about spirituality and kindness/understandings since I feel like that’s when kids can be mean and if your child doesn’t understand how to defend themselves or what other kids might go through then it’s easy for your kid to grow up with problems. It doesn’t matter how good a school is, kids will be kids and some kids are just mean and have troubled home lives.

High school I would want to study finances with them and what it takes to buy a home or buy a car so they start to understand the value of a dollar and what it takes to own something and how important credit is.

I would just really want to build up my kids for success with as little trouble as possible. Most importantly I’d let them know how much I love them every day so that there’s never a doubt.

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If I were to live alone for the rest of my life then I’d want to travel as much as possible. I’d want to be so successful and work so hard that I can enjoy my life to the fullest without worrying about money. I’d want to still live in a big house by a lake with a garden and pool in the backyard for my loved ones to come over and keep me company. I’d fill my house with memorabilia on the walls and make give my house a theme (disney, memorabilia, etc etc.). I think it would be fun to paint a house all the colors you enjoy and to decorate it with all the things you love. I’d want an office/library full of journals and books with a couch in case I want to read and a desk where I could write.

I’d want a balcony outback furnished so I could go out in the mornings drinking coffee and see the lake. At night I’d want to drink tea and see the moon reflecting off of the lake when it’s at its fullest.

The more I write about this the more I’m realizing something.

I think there’s things you can and can’t do whether you choose to have kids or be in a relationship or be single.

Kids means giving up a lot to make your world all about them life is no longer really about you.

Relationships means focusing more on your home life or travel I guess this is where it depends what kind of relationship you have or want.

Being single all things go. Being single it allows you to find yourself and understand yourself before you try to get into something serious with someone. I think that’s why people say to always be true to yourself and to know and love yourself before you try and love or care for someone else because I can see where things could easily get messy if you don’t know yourself but want to care for someone else.

That’s what I see when I think of my future and building my home. Sometimes things don’t work out the way we plan but hopefully my future turns out to be brighter than what it feels right now and hopefully I build a home the way I see it and would like, God willing ♥

What do you see when you think of building a home?

 

Quote of the Day

If you can build a home with genuine love, happiness, and teach important life lessons with kindness, there’s nothing that can hurt your home.