12:05pm

I’m currently having almond milk with waffles and eggs. I have a cough I can’t seem to get rid of. Don’t have a cold or anything like that, I can tell it’s definitely allergies getting the best of me. I’ve been taking my Hydroxyzine and NyQuil to try and kick it but it’s not working out so good. Almost there!

I’m getting ready to go to the beauty supply stores that are close to me right now since it’ll be hard for me to go as often as I used to.

I’ll be moving in with my mom for awhile and there aren’t really any Cosmoprof’s or Salon Centric’s around her.

This Sunday definitely is making me think of a lot right now. I’ve been fine every other day but I’m realizing this is the last weekend I’ll be spending in my apartment. It’s the last Sunday, the day he and I spent alllll day together since we were both always off.

I just couldn’t help but think of the Sundays Nick and I spent together. They mainly consisted of him playing games or watching TV on the couch. I’d go straight to the coffee machine and make a cup of coffee, check my emails and see which companies I have to shoot with. If there was a movie out that we wanted to see we would go see it really late and just take the day slow.

Not sure if I’ve explained why my social media looks like an infomercial but I’m working with different companies right now to help promote their product. How it works is they send me free product and in return I blog and make posts about the product and just promote it. I have a deadline that’s within 7-10 days to post. I would always have Nick helping me take photos for it. I’ve gotten in touch with a few photographers I know since I don’t really have Nick helping me anymore.

Every day still feels like a blur and I just feel like I’m standing still.

October has flown by and I’m still stuck in September.

Makes me think of the Green Day song Wake me up when September ends. It couldn’t be anymore on point.

I’ve gone around the apartment today and just took photos of how it looked today since tomorrow it will mostly be in boxes.. Having to pack is already hurting to do but I can’t put it off any longer or I’ll get sick on moving day doing it all at once annnnd cleaning.

I wonder how I’ll feel on Sundays and Mondays when he and I spent the most time together. I wonder how it’ll feel not being in the apartment we shared together. I’m trying not to think too much into it but I think it’s just me dreading the fact I have to leave. I know most people will say it’ll be healthy to get out but I don’t really feel that way. I WANT to be here. I just feel comforted, like nothings really changed and like he’s still here with me..

It’s sad how cruel life can be and how tormented so many people feel these days. How easy it is to feel trapped especially when it comes to finances..

I want everyone out there knows that no matter what happens with your life or what may go wrong, everything is fixable as long as you’re alive..

---

Update

It’s now 10:47pm and I just got back awhile ago from having dinner with 2 of my good friends.

I’m having tea and about to take my juice plus with the water bottles Nick left for us around the house.

Nick used to always put 2 water bottles by both of our night stands and 2 water bottles on the coffee table so I’m starting to go around the house and just finish what he left.. I know it’s something so simple but I find myself holding onto even the littlest things.

My computer for some reason isn’t reading fucking memory cards, yet again something that fucks up. It can never be just 1 think it has to be everything at once. so I was rummaging through every single HDMI cord trying to find one so I could plug in my camera to my computer and download my files from the SD card that way and I actually found one that fits my camera!!

I honestly feel like this is Nick doing this. He was the brains of technology all around the house and he would always be doing all of it for us and for me especially when I couldn’t figure something out. I feel he is definitely around, challenging me in every way he can so that I start to figure things out on my own. He would do that sometimes so I know that’s him. I found the cord directly behind me on our desk that has all of our important papers and clip boards, a place where I would not even imagine it would be in.

I just hope he’s around or visits me in my dreams again before I move with at least some sort of message that he’ll be with me even after I move.