Saudade

The feeling is like knowing that the one person you would call and want to call isn’t there to pick up the phone.

You scroll through your phone book in search of people to call when you just want to call 1 person because of the things they’d say to make you laugh when you need them the most or cry when you need to vent.

 Frustration settles and feels like when you try and call someone over and over and you know they won’t answer because they are just that type of person that doesn’t answer the phone, when in all reality they’re just not on the receiving end anymore.

Thinking up past troubles and having that one person to call to talk about it with.

It’s missing the feeling of being able to relate to someone about things that don’t make sense.

It’s going down memory lane just to find a dead end.

Soon memories feel like 5 minutes instead of years worth because you’ve thought of everything possible you could miss.

It’s a feeling of being like troubled brothers

It’s feeling your heart break over and over with each memory that rolls in.

It’s wanting something so bad you know you can’t have.

It’s wishing that they were here and not there.

It’s forgotten agony that like a current in the ocean, gets stronger and builds more power enough to wash grief up to shore.

For each tear is an encapsulation of each memory.

It’s a broken fever that reoccurs

It’s missing someone you love and having to understand that the love for them is in your heart, in a box.

Memories are simply clouds of rain that shower and wash away until another rainy day.

It’s a torture you can’t escape because it’s life and death that come and go in different forms.

Tears dry up and you begin to realize that strength becomes the much unwanted only option.

Tomorrow when you wake up you’ll leave your blanket of memories in bed and go back to work.

And everything will be ok

 

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