I sit here on my chair listening to Florence and the Machine reflecting back on how today went and just feeling so grateful for everything in my life right now..

Today was quite the emotional roller coast.

Today we had the annual CASA event at Square. This was my first one working. CASA is an event for foster children. The kids came to get haircuts, backpacks, school supplies, and to just have a good time and it was one of the most beautiful thing I’ve ever witnessed in my life. I’ve done other charity work, but nothing compares to this..

 

The only other charity I’ve worked with was AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) and that brought with it a different set of realization of life.

Growing up my sister always had issues and till this day still struggles with her “issues”

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Those who have read my past posts will understand where I’m headed with this story.

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Recently my sister had her newborn taken away and the newborn is now living with a foster family.

So before going in today to work this event, I kind of prepared to cry a little because I knew that this was going to touch me in some way. I have a huge soft spot for kids and I thought I understood them but working this event truly showed me what I’ve always thought about. I’ve tuned out a lot of the issues my family has because I don’t want to be depressed or upset all the time but this reminded me that even though I might of never been a foster child, my family is slightly a part of this now because of the newborn and it kind of broke my heart..

Sometimes I wonder where bad people come from, I wonder why people do the things they do. When I see videos of people on Facebook shooting at cops in the middle of the road because of God knows whatever they did, I always look beyond that and think “well why?” No one is just psycho and goes around doing wild shit without a reason or motive fueling that. I always wonder if there’s hurt associated with them that they might be feeling.

I worked the shampoo bowl all day and as every single kid came in to get shampoo’d to get their haircut or styled, each one of them had the kindest and sweetest nature to them. They were all nervous or scared because they’ve either never had a haircut or they didn’t know what we were doing at the shampoo bowl because they had never seen such a thing lol. With each kid that I would receive to shampoo I would full on have a conversation with them to get them excited and ready so I’d ask them their favorite Disney movies or favorite show and each one of them would talk to me and get comfortable with telling me their favorite characters and how they were excited to start school and what they wanted to be when they grew up etc. etc. it took a lot of holding back tears because I just felt so bad. Some of the most beautiful kids I’ve ever seen, so sweet and so gentle each and every one of them..

So that’s when it hit me that in my heart, I don’t think evil people are born, I don’t believe bad people are bad for no reason. Some of these kids have such rough pasts that makes them angry and makes them change. I can genuinely say that because I went through feeling angry because of some of the things I experienced as a teenager but I found outlets and found myself enough to be content with who I am now. So when I see videos of people doing crazy things and going down the wrong path, it upsets me because some of these people just need someone to talk to, to help them understand things.. Sometimes the battle isn’t always in the mind, but in the heart..

I see first hand with my nephew how his growing up has affected him because of his mother and often our entire family is having to bring him back down to earth and remind him that he’s loved and cared for.

It’s scary sometimes to feel.

No one likes to feel hurt but sometimes it’s good to cry, it’s good to let it out and you’ll realize just how much better you feel once that’s out. That feeling you feel when you can’t think and then do something to clear your mind and get things off of your mind is what crying a little will do sometimes. This is just something that I’ve noticed I do sometimes when I feel stuck in my emotions. I realize that sometimes a good cry is all it takes to clear my head.

When I looked at these kids, there was not a single kid I felt was a naughty child or anything like that. I felt like they were all the same yet so different in the sense that they all had their own personality but were all so so sweet and innocent.

There was one girl I really bonded with, Emily.

I could tell she needed someone to talk to and she just opened up to me and told me she was bullied at school because she didn’t like “girly things” she was more a tomboy and she didn’t have a lot of friends. So I opened up to her too and told her when I was growing up I looked like a complete girl and that I was made fun of and called names for it but it didn’t bother me and I always knew that I’d be a very successful person some day. So I told her that the next time anyone tries to bully her, to know that in 10 years, those people won’t matter and she might not even remember who they even were or who she was so to just keep her head up and know that she’s going to be a very successful person in the future.

Emily let me know that she also helps take care of her siblings just like I used to with my nieces and nephew and younger brother. When things kept going down hill, I was always the one in charge of taking care of kids even if I didn’t want to, it was just put on me.

I just saw myself in her.

I saw the boy I was as a teenager, liking cool hair and just wanting to talk to people and make friends. I felt I was able to connect and relate with her on that level because she’s at the age I was once at and I wanted to really just give her hope for the future.. Growing up I went through the same thing she did and now that I’m 26 and living the life that I wanted to live and in the career I chose, I can give her the advice that I did. She loved the salon and I told her that maybe when she turns 18 she can try and apply to work at the salon.

I’ll never forget her and I hope that I get to see her in the future again when she’s older and making a life for herself. One can only hope.

Something I’ve always wanted and something I’m sure we can all relate to is wanting to feel like we belong somewhere and someplace.. A feeling that we all fit in somewhere. I feel like I finally fit in somewhere where I can be BRIAN and I’m around people just like me that want to laugh, smile, have a great time and above all, work hard..

I appreciate life more today than I did yesterday and that’s a great feeling. I thank God for everything he has gave me in the past few years and for Jesus always listening to my prayers. Hard times are things we sometimes can’t avoid and they are a way of life but God will always test you and push you and I always knew and felt this growing up and currently I might not have much in my pocket because I’m building my career and life and being an adult, but I am rich in the sense of having the job I wanted when I graduated Cosmetology school and I am blessed to have came as far as I have. I have 0 complaints after today. Now to put more hard work in to make a name for myself.

A letter of thank you: I feel so incredibly blessed to be a part of the Square Salon family… I’m so thankful for Barb and Rick accepting me into their beautiful salon family. The salon is gifted with some of the most loving and caring individuals I’ve ever met in my entire life… I found myself looking around a lot and just noticing that these people I was surrounded by are the ones you see in all of those caring charity videos. Every single one of them was so caring and giving and you could see it in their eyes just how sweet of people they all are. To do this to give back to the community shows me that you can never be too busy to appreciate others and give back to those in need. So thank you Square Salon for everything you have all gave me and the incredible amount of joy every single one of the people I work with has brought me. I feel so lucky, so blessed, and so happy and that’s something money can’t buy. ❤

Quote of the Day

“Children are what make this world pure and good. Children remind us where our hearts are and help us understand our emotions and who we are as adults. Through children we learn to be good and kind and understanding. The way they help us be good and pure is the same way we should treat and protect their tiny hearts . Making sure they grow up to be the kind and gentle beings they were as kids, into adults. If we work on having the same mutual loving nature as kids do and reciprocate that, we can all work on making the world a better and more pure place.”

I am for the child

❤