Today was the first Monday I’ve had off in weeks. I’ve had maybe 2-3 Mondays off in the past couple of months due to the fact I’m always in the salon working for myself on Mondays and they tend to book up fast since it’s my 1 day to myself. But today was different
I decided to just take the day off and take it really slow. My brother came over and we talked about some family drama going on again. Same problems with my sister. We chatted for a few hours and we talked about life. I’m currently drinking the Dos Equis beer he left me. As this beer fuels my writing, I start to dive into my thoughts and feelings for the day since even though it was a relaxed day, there was a lot of thinking going on.
After my brother left I took my guitar to Guitar Center to get it tuned up. My mom bought me a guitar for my birthday since the one I had growing up got stolen. I wanted one again so bad but I haven’t really had the time or money AT ALL to take my guitar in to get tuned up since I’m always working. So today I made it a point to take it in. The past few days I’ve thought about where I really see myself and what I see myself doing in the future and to be so honest, I really want to play guitar and somewhat make music. I mean, I can’t sing for shit but I’m sure I could at least take some lessons or try lmao. My heart has always been in acoustic music. I love soft melodies and sad music. I know, it’s weird, but any music that touches me is special to me. I love musicians like Connor Oberst from Bright Eyes where you can listen to how soft and effortless he sings certain songs but you can hear in the tone of his voice how he’s feeling about the song he’s singing. That’s powerful to me, to sing a song and it be so mellow but powerful because of the choice of lyrics you use, is special to me.
After I left Guitar Center I went to DSW to pick up insoles and ran into a friend I used to work with and she told me she went to Europe last year and it just struck me again that I should probably really start traveling now. There’s a wanderlust in me so strong that keeps growing over the years but I feel myself ready to take that leap very soon. It just feels like a calling so I’m ready to answer that call before it hangs up.
Shortly after that I felt the need to go to the library to find books about self growth, travel, and business.
What’s funny is the library I went to I haven’t been to since I was about 8 years old. The last time I was there I was with my friend Macy and her mom Tracy and she had a wild 3 year old and there were these stairs the little boy was coming down and he almost came tumbling down but Macy’s mom ran up so fast to grab him. We had checked out so many books that I took it upon myself to grab the huge bag of books that felt like 20 lbs to me at the time and I was wobbling to her holding them all lmao. The minute that I saw those stairs at the library it was like an instant flashback. I had always wondered what the hell library we went to with stairs and when I saw those stairs I just remembered that day so vividly at that moment. There I was reminiscing about my youth going up these stairs being now 26 it felt very different.
My youth and childhood is so present to me because I mark it as the happiest times in my life and the further I get away from my youth the more I feel I cling onto it and continue to keep remembering the things I did as a kid. There’s times I often reflect on being a kid and being innocent and not even knowing what disease was or bills.. It makes me miss the boy I was and sometimes resent the one I’ve become and the hurt that I’ve gone through from mistakes.. Life goes on and I just always remind myself that everything happens for a reason.
I looked around the vast library aimlessly.. I didn’t remember it being as big as it was so I had to ask like 3 different people where things were until I found where I was going lol. I checked out 4 interesting books.
- Conscious Living, Conscious aging by Ron Pevny (since I think about my past so much I figured that this book should be very fitting to see if in fact I’m aging correctly and not staggering my growth pattern as I age.)
- How to be the Worlds Smartest Traveler by Christopher Elliot from National Geographic (One thing I will do within the next 2 years is travel.. I want to see Europe and someday move there because of just how beautiful it looks. But to visit I need to be wise about spendings and how to save the most money traveling, so I felt this book could help me with that.)
- Business Networking for Dummies by Stefan Thomas(Now that I’m entering a career where I will be my own boss, I want to make sure I have the right tools to be successful. I can watch plenty of videos on hair and how to do it but that’s just half the work. The other half right now is all online and it’s all social networking. I want to be the best at being Brian who does hair so I want to have the correct strategy on reaching people.)
- The Male Factor by Shaunti Feldhahn (This book really just stood out to me because it explains how differently men see things compared to woman or just in general. It talks about men in the workplace and how we interact and how we view things and the way we think. It reallllllly grabbed my attention because I’ve always wondered if I do certain things at work because I’m a boy or what. This book is more targeted to woman but I’m excited to see what I find in this one because I know it’ll definitely be interesting.)
When I got home I kind of delt with more family drama that it just kind of put me out for the rest of the day. Whenever I get into an argument with my mom it’s the one thing that just really does me in because it’s like, no matter how much you might explain things to someone, if they don’t want to understand or they want to keep doing things their way, they won’t listen to you. It’s like when a dog barks but it’s owner isn’t paying attention to the dog or acknowledge it because they don’t think it’s serious. So I just went to the gym to sweat it all out and come home to shower and read for the rest of the night.
I don’t sweat the future anymore. I don’t think about what might happen and worry about the maybe’s anymore. I wing everything and it seems to be working out just fine. Being an adult and learning to struggle and find a way to pay my bills and pay rent, is what fuels me to keep pushing and helps me succeed. To me that’s what being hungry means. To want to succeed so bad and although you might have little in your pocket, it pushes you to want to be more and more to have more in your pocket and a better life and career.
I did realize that I need to slow down though because when I actually give myself more than 1 day to rest, I feel better and my thoughts don’t feel as cloudy. Today I felt completely relaxed and not as tense. I’m normally on the go all. the. time. and I don’t mind it at all, I can function because I pay attention to how much rest I’m getting but I’m still human and I still get tired without realizing until days like today remind me to slow down.
So today was a lot to take in and realize but I’m just looking forward to picking up my guitar and ready to start playing. I downloaded a guitar app already to help me tune it and everything so I’m excited to see what I can come up with.
stay TUNED! 😀
One thought on “Orchestrated Moments”
You are one complex individual!!!