Saying Goodbye..

Today matty and catlin moved to indiana..

This was seriously the hardest goodbye i’ve ever had to do in my entire life..

From the very start I’ve been there for my boys and they’ve been there for me through the hardest times.everything already doesn’t feel the same.Walking down the stairs waiting to go home feels different since they’re not there to hug goodbye or anything..I know they’ll be back to visit but all those party animal days and new years partys and birthdays are over..We seized every moment and tried to live life to the fullest all together..

They are the true people i trust with everything, their family is like my family their pain is like my pain and their leaving hurts just as much as it’s going to hurt not seeing them every weekend..I know i have other true friends but these boys were just the center of my universe..

They’re off to start a new life now and i wish them the best because that’s a huge step but sometimes we need to do it in our life to really gain lifes full experience and to truely find ourselves.We can’t just sit around and expect shit to pop up and i love them for being leaders amongst the majority of people we knew.

Catlin is the type to take charge and say this is how things will be and matty is the type to negotiate it and see if it’s a good idea before really doing whatever it is they want to do and im the type to give my opinions and make sure their plans go through perfectly, im the dr.phil haha.Together those boys make an amazing couple.It’s like seeing batman and robin, or wonder woman and captain america hahaha.Shit, they make me wish i had someone to smother like they do to each other just on how passionate and crazy they are about each other.

I have the utmost respect for them and i know this is gonna take a toll on me since i don’t really have friends but I know im either going to give vegas a couple more shots and see if i meet anyone worth staying for that i could get along with and take life somewhere with which might not happen but otherwise i’m just going to move far far away as well.Hong Kong might actually be a big possibility now in october…Theres nothing really left for me in vegas anymore..Everyone has their own life here that im barely a part of and im tired of being screwed over or shit on..I’m not as conniving as people may think, My way of being is to protect me from being hurt over and over again by the majority of people that want to fuck around and see if they can gain anything off of you.I have too much heart and personality to be letting fake people into my life to just abuse it you know? i rather have no friends at all then expose myself to people i don’t trust.

Around the boys i didn’t feel like i had to have my guard up or i had to monitor what i said to not give away who i really am, they know me better than allot of people do.This shits tough knowing they’re gone now and left with a huge piece of me..

Well I guess you can call this post a goodbye for’s sad to think about everything we use to do together and how we’re all moving on now to bigger and greater things..The drinking, fighting, partying, crying it’s all just a memory now, we live we learn we experience and move on.This is just the way life is and goes.These boys know the real brian that not many people know much about because of how many fronts i put up..Which is why i hung around them so much, for once i was able to be completely myself..

This is harder for me than anyone will ever understand since even right now im just being brief because of how depressing this topic is for me..I just want everyone to know how much i really care about them and how much they really impacted my life..I might not ever meet people like them that i am able to fully trust and put my everything into..But if i ever do, than that person got lucky..

We’re not what the majority of people think and i believe that’s what brings us together to understand each other more, Only we know how each other works.Not once have we gotten into a fight, we’ve had a disagreement once and that was it.They’re my everything

We did everything together, including holding the 3rd biggest flag in the world last year for gay pride hahaha.

So goodbye for now boys, I’ll miss you like no other…

Maybe this will actually help me realize what i really want out of life as well..

We’ll see what happens…



Quote Of The Day

“If you feel your life is like tangled thread then slowly take it apart, don’t cut it or you’ll just have to knot it back together..”

11 thoughts on “Saying Goodbye..

  1. this was a very touching post but you will come on top quicker than you know.

    life surpirses you when you least expect it

    take care


  2. Doll Face, you did a really great job putting this together!! I have to personally thank you!! You take care of yourself and please know our door is always open for you. ;))


    1. tankiesss

      yeah…like at first you’re all like “oh you’re moving, that’s good” and then when the day comes it hits you all together that they really are more crazy sleep overs every weekend or getting trashed with tons of people it’s just like “…….over”.But like i said, we’ll get through it, and maybe this is a big change for the better for all of us..Now we just have to turn the page onto a new chapter.It’s great though that we all are still good friends and are seeing one another grow.


  3. Oh My Goodness!
    This almost brought me to tears. Its like I can feel you’re sadness so I can only imagine the heart ache you’re going through right now.I know you’re super fucking amazing & killer strong so I know you’ll be just fine,I just want you to know you’ll always have a friend in me no matter what! love you much ❤ lol


  4. this topic is very sad im sure your friends love you as much as you do them.i don’t know you but i can tell you are very strong and positive and love them very much.keep your head up things change


  5. I’m really inspired with your writing talents as neatly as with the format to your weblog. Is that this a paid theme or did you modify it your self? Either way stay up the excellent high quality writing, it is rare to look a nice weblog like this one today..


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