Today was the 2nd day being back at work and I couldn’t be happier. It feels so nice to finally be out of the house and be able to see my work family and clients. We’re currently unable to blow dry and have to wear a face mask all day so it’s been very strange but I’m happy to just be able to work again.
I wanted to make this blog post because there was a ton I realized during this whole shut down. There were things about myself that I learned and there were things I dealt with that I didn’t think I’d ever deal with. So I want to share a few things that I learned about myself and things that I did that helped me realize more about myself.
The first thing I want to touch base on is
Guitar:
In my previous blog, I explained that I ordered a Fender Stratocaster Electric Guitar from Guitar Center. After receiving it I downloaded an app called Guitar Tricks that you pay $20 a month and it teaches you everything to know about guitar. It teaches you how to hold down the strings, which fingers go where, how to play simple chords to start etc. The app is pretty amazing in teaching you how to learn on your own. I still have a long way to go with learning how to play but I’m making slow progress.
The minute that I picked up the guitar I realized the amount of passion I have for music. I can’t sing for shit but I can definitely try and download an app for that too in case I want to learn lol. Not to mention I discovered sooooo much music on Spotify.
My next step is to get in-person guitar lessons so that I can learn. Certain things will require that kind of help for me because I can be stubborn when learning anything.
The Strip:
I went down to the strip a few times to check it out and see what was going on down there. It was strange seeing everyone on their bikes riding around in packs. It felt like Santa Monica without the beach lol.
The last time I went down there was for Cinco de Mayo and I saw a ton of people riding their bikes. I went down there with a friend and had tacos and beer like a true Latino lol.
It’s sad and scary seeing the strip completely closed. I walked by the Bellagio and saw it completely boarded up like a horror movie. The Cromwell had their slots completely shut off and the part of the machine that you insert your ticket was blinking on all the slots which gave it a horror movie feel.
Reading:
I’m a very slow reader for the simple fact that I just cannot dedicate time to sitting down for an hour or two just READING. I’ll be reading and then get an idea in my head about something relating to my phone or a show and then I’ll put the book down and do that. It’s hard for me to sit still and do 1 thing when I want to do 3 at the same time. It’s fucked up but it’s how my brain works. This book I was reading teaches you how to avoid doing that and how to talk to yourself when you get easily distracted.
The book is called “Clearing Emotional Clutter” by Donald Altman. It was such an informative book that breaks down how you react to situations and how people react with their emotions etc. The first few chapters were a snooze. I felt like a lot of what the book explains, I already knew or have been doing. Going towards the middle to the end of the book is where my mind was blown. There’s a lot of guilt and shame I struggle with to this day with Nicks passing. There are times I want to say sorry for some of the things I did and said that I still feel bad about. I guess I always thought that maybe by just forgetting about it and just acting like it was something that happened, that it would go away. The more I tried to do that, the more I couldn’t let go of the situation.
At the end of reading this book, it opened up my mind to a few things that I’m currently going through.
Guilt: Blaming yourself for something that can’t be changed
Remorse: Harnesses feelings about past actions to motivate you to act differently in the future.
Forgiveness: Asks to wipe your slate clean and start over. You can’t forget certain things but you can choose to forgive yourself for hurts you might have caused others, and for hurts, others have caused you. Forgiving yourself helps you move forward healthily.
I know it might seem silly but this break down is exactly what I needed to move forward because it’s exactly where I am in life. I was fully able to understand and better identify what it means to truly forgive yourself from past guilt.
Coming out of Quarantine:
I realized that I don’t have the same passion for writing how I used to.. I used to love blogging and talking about anything but I’ve come to a point in my life where I’m choosing to become a little more private with my life and current situations I’m going through. I’m not saying I’ll stop blogging and talking about my life experiences when I travel or feel like I can share something that might help others. I’m just saying that I’m going to be more mindful of what I choose to share with the world these days. So instead of blogging and sharing everything I’m feeling. I’ll try to talk more about what I might have learned recently to help others rather than always talking about feelings. There’s a lot of personal things I’ve gone through that have left me feeling really bottled because normally I blog my feelings out and get a better understanding of the situation. Unfortunately, some situations are meant to be dealt with alone and dealt with in a personal manner. Blogging helped me as a teenager growing up to better understand life and understand myself. As an adult, I feel like I’ve come to a turning point in my life where I want to just be more careful with what I share.
I’ve taken a good look at every aspect of my life that I might not be happy about.
I’ve thought of people I surround myself with, my living situation and where I see myself by the end of the year, I’ve set goals, I’ve thought of how to further my career doing hair.
With anything, you have to have a goal on where you see yourself and how you’ll get there. You can’t get in a car and just drive around hoping you’ll find where it is you need to go, you have to have a plan.
Overall I feel like everyone’s life could always use a little work and mine isn’t as bad as I might feel it is sometimes but it needs some polishing and some weed pulling from it.
By doing all of this self-work and bringing things to the surface, it has pulled out some major emotions that I’ve been dealing with and I’m happy it happened because now I can continue to move forward again.
Life has a strange way of working out and this will be a moment in my life I’ll always remember because it has lead me back to myself a little bit more. The path I chose, I know I can trust will get me where I want to go with ease in my heart.
I’m going to continue working on a few other things that I started during quarantine that I want to keep under the radar until everything is ready. All I can say is that I’m glad I had this time off to reset and think of what more I can do in life and what more I can do to help others.
I can’t wait to share with everyone later down the road.
♄Brian ☾ Jamesøn♃ 