So this week I took a little mini trip with my friend Meagan to California. She wanted to go see her friends and I wanted to go see the guy I’ve been talking to for the past 2 months.

Meagan and I had planned the trip out about 3 weeks ago and I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea at first because we were only going for the day and then coming home the next night but let me tell you…. It was well worth it!

The night before I was talking with Nick telling him how much I loved him and how great Monday was going to be for both of us. He said he had an idea I might be coming out because of how I was hinting everything but wasn’t sure. So on the drive there we were telling each other how much we missed each other and that’s exactly what I wanted to make the surprise that much more better.

So, Meagan wanted me to drop her off with her friend in the valley so that I can have my time with the boy and she can go do her thing with her friends which worked. So I drove to Bakersfield after dropping her off. All I could think about was how excited I was to see him. The closer I reached the town the more I could feel my heart getting ready to just jump out of my chest. When I parked I had so much adrenaline and anxiety because I missed him so much. I hadn’t seen him since he was last in Vegas (36) days and it was killing me so the feeling of being there at that moment just getting ready to see him was the craziest feeling ever. I had to record the moment so here’s the video I made.

It was shitty because there were so many people in the restaurant that I didn’t wanna look like a crazy person walking around with my video on recording lol. But you can tell in the tone of his voice how happy he was to see me. He hugged me so tight and it was the best feeling ever because it was a reminder of just how much he cares about me and his excitement to see me. I realized why I drove out there, because seeing him happy is just worth it. I don’t care about distance because if there’s a will then there’s a way.

I’ve truly never experienced something like this ever. I’ve never loved someone the way I love him and the way he loves me back. Everything is mutual and everything is still going so strong. Although… for the past week or 2 I’ve had my doubts because I’m not sure if I’m ready to see someone since I’m not exactly where I want to be in life and a bunch of other fears I have so we talked a couple of nights ago because I went out there and he explained to me how he feels about me and that I have nothing to worry about and just overall made me feel safe…. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, someone to make me feel loved, cared for and safe. Someone to take away my fears and pain from my past relationships and to show me the good that’s out there. I haven’t found that in the past 4 years until now.. That’s what really pushed me and fueled me to drive out there just to see his face and tell him I love him and spend time with him. I didn’t have much in my wallet and I didn’t have much to splurge but I don’t care because the experience and the feeling is the only thing I care for.

SO

That night I booked us a room in Bakersfield where we could stay. Since the trip was pretty spontaneous and I did show up uncalled for I wasn’t trying to impose myself in anyone’s home so I just booked a room down the street where we could stay in and just hang out for the night. I stayed in a hotel called Hotel Rosedale and it honestly wasn’t that bad but then again I don’t care for stuff like that. As long as the bed doesn’t have bed bugs I’m fine lol. You can tell it was an older building but wasn’t bad. We spent the night talking and watching Family Guy on the television and just cuddling and such. I’m not big on cuddling never have been but with him I love it because his arms are big and he can hold me like a baby lol.

The next day I woke up when he left for school at 6:45am and just layed there since I couldn’t sleep after that so I got up to eat breakfast at like 8:30 because the hotel had free breakfast until 10am so I went to go eat and went back to the room and passed out again until 12. He texted me and told me what time check out was and my stupid ass thought it was the following day! So I packed everything quick and got out of there! I went to his place to pick him up so we could visit his mom in the hospital since she had knee surgery. From there we headed down to LA to pick up Meagans bitch ass so we could go eat and head to the beach!

We ate tacos and listened to Meagan tell us all about her wildest sex fantasies and all the hot stuff she wants to try. She’s the best when it comes to story telling lol.

I’ve NEVER walked the beach with someone at night. I’ve always felt it’s a romantic thing to do as a couple and I’ve been single for well 4 YEARS so I wanted to change that. Although he and I don’t exactly have a title yet I know he’s the one I want so I wanted to share that moment with him and let me just say, it was the best part of the trip. We talked and held hands and walked the beach and the pier. Getting to know one another more and talk about what we want to do in the future and all that good stuff.

It’s moments like these that give me meaning to life. That help fuel me more with love and care. It’s moment like these worth living for. Tomorrow if I died, I want to know that whether I was broke or wealthy, that work didn’t control me and that I always followed my heart wherever it took me. I know it’s only been 2 months but when I’m with Nick it feels as if he’s someone I once knew and just fell out of touch with. As if talking with him was meant to be. He makes me feel the emotions I’ve never truly felt for someone before, he brings them out without doing anything just being himself. I’ll forever be grateful for the feeling because it’s one you find and completely feel once in a life time.

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Painted Love

“He slipped into bed on a cold and windy night when everyone was asleep. He layed still with his eyes closed trying to listen to what his heart was saying to him. Something about this night and the feeling he had in his heart was stranger to every other night. His heart had began again to grow fonder for another other than the familiar. He felt as if the thorns that once surrounded it from hurt had been ripped.. His head and heart were working together accordingly to let him know what he was feeling. Shortly after, his mind began to paint pictures of his emotions.

He kept his eyes closed and relaxed seeing his mind paint pictures with beautiful bright colored sceneries of the world. His heart was feeling so it fueled thoughts of affection and adoration. His heart began to make a space big enough to fill for the one it was choosing.

 As his thoughts delve deeper, so did his feelings.. Who knows who truly put us here on this planet, who knows if there’s other life forms, who knows if there’s anything beyond the stars and planets. What he did know is that at that present moment where he stood in life and who had presented themselves to him was who his heart chose.

That feeling of uncertainty and fear faded into black and slowly but surely, love had eventually made its way back into light and the space in his heart that was made and been left empty for some time, had finally been big enough for the one it had chose..

The feeling of love had ultimately triumphed as it was bound to.“