So there’s this song that’s came out recently and it really hit home for me when I heard it..
Literally the minute it came on the radio it just really hit me because I could relate to every lyric.
So here’s a little back story to me in case I haven’t said anything about it in any of my past blogs. I’ll try to keep it vague, but try to listen to the song and read so it all makes sense.
Growing up as a teenager was a bit rough and I practically had to raise my niece and nephew due to family issues with my mom and sister. My mom worked and has been a single mom since I was about 7.
I had to drop out of high school and graduate from home so I never had a proper graduation just had to be stuck at home watching the kids and taking them to the baby sitters house whenever I needed to do school work at home. I practically was like a single dad taking care of 3 kids because I had to also make sure my little brother was doing his homework and had to drive him to the bus stop in the morning. I was the only help my mom really had so the weight she carried, I had to carry as well.
During this time I would always go out to my backyard and lay on the trampoline for hours when the kids would be asleep. I would stare at the stars and see so many shooting stars through out the night and just always wish things would get better.
I remember always always watching Disney movies with the kids and the one that I loved the absolute most was Peter Pan.
Peter Pan to me was funny and I would just get so lost in all of the adventures taken in the movie. I practically lived through the movie. It helped me escape and still live my youth without growing up so fast. It kept me in check because I knew that if the pressure of taking care of kids made me grow up too quick then I would lose my youth and just grow up too soon. I matured quickly for my age but I always kept a part of me true to being a kid through the help of Peter Pan.
I remember there was a week I watched the movie for an entire week for 2-3 times out of the day. It’s a movie that really helped me understand youth. I helped me keep my sanity and helped keep me in line with growing up.
I would always watch it on VHS because I loved the vintage feel the movie had and just as of recently I ordered it online and completely forgot that I did so when I went to Zia Records I bought it there too and came home and realized I always had it on DVD and completely forgot lol.
So in this song Ruth B sings where she says
“There was a time when I was alone
Nowhere to go and no place to call home
My only friend was the man in the moon
And even sometimes he would go away, too
Then one night, as I closed my eyes
I saw a shadow flying high
He came to me with the sweetest smile
Told me he wanted to talk for awhile
He said, “Peter Pan, that’s what they call me
I promise that you’ll never be lonely, “
Really made me tear up just because that literally was my life.
The moon, the stars and Peter Pan is what I had when I was alone. These lyrics made me think of all those nights on the trampoline with the moon and stars.
I never really hung out with anyone in the town I lived in. My high school friends all had groups and I didn’t really have that and was the “gay kid” of the town so it was rare if I ever went out. I never cared about being lonely because the night sky and my books and movies kept me company when I was bored or alone but there definitely was a part of me that felt lonely for sure, I just ignored it.
“I am a lost boy from Neverland
Usually hanging out with Peter Pan
And when we’re bored we play in the woods
Always on the run from Captain Hook
“Run, run, lost boy, ” they say to me
Away from all of reality”
This part made me think of the fact I ran almost every day.
There was a huge cotton tree by my house that I would go to during the day when my mom was getting ready for work. I’d go run to the park by the house and hang out by the cotton tree to get out of the house and away from reality.
“Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free
Neverland is home to lost boys like me
And lost boys like me are free”
I always felt like a lost boy.
I was never lost in the sense of not knowing myself because trust me I definitely knew myself inside and out, but in the sense that I always felt unattainable. I never wanted a relationship, I never wanted to be hurt, I just wanted to be wild and free, happy and young.
“Peter Pan, Tinkerbell, Wendy Darling
Even Captain Hook, you are my perfect story book
Neverland, I love you so
You are now my home sweet home
Forever a lost boy at last”
These lyrics just spoke for me and how I feel about the story of Peter Pan and how I overall feel about Peter Pan. Peter Pan will always be one of my Disney favorites and always be home for me whenever I feel lost because that’s just the impact its left one me.
I don’t mean to get all sappy or too deep and personal about a movie but this is probably the one movie that has left such an impact on me because of how much it helped me realize things.
One thing I will say about my entire experience growing up is that no matter what situation you’re in or how lonely you may feel, you must always be your own best friend first and love yourself completely so you can truly understand love. You should at least have an idea on how to treat someone you love and care about without so much unneeded trial and error.
Be your own best friend
If you ever feel lonely with literally no one to talk to about something, turn to all of those things that make you happy. Turn to every single hobby you enjoy and you’ll see how quick loneliness fades and how your creativity is born from whichever activity you choose.