Man…..2010, what can I say, another year of disappointment…I told myself I’d do so much more this year I told myself I wouldn’t let anything get in my way and what happens.I end up in the same situation I was in last year and barely moved one step ahead..Luckily I can at least give myself some kind of credit for at least trying to progress and do what I want and actually do more than I expected to be doing.I guess you can call me one of those people that appreciates what’s in front of me but feel I should be doing more with myself and am trying to do more with myself but just like allot of other things, some things take time to reach.
I’ve struggled with who I am this year more than anything, finding myself more learning more about myself and I know that starting August (the month I started going nuts) I was meant to be doing everything I was, I needed a really good breath of just new people and new experiences and just being a teen pretty much but now it’s time to really settle down and get my head right..Party’s and clubs and drinking is only fun until it begins to really catch up to you and then you find yourself drowning in drama and always stressed about shit and that’s when you know when to stop.
I’m not going to complain and say this year was full on just shit even if I believe it was because I learned from so much I got more in touch with myself and with the help of some wise people I know I was able to see the entire picture not just fragments or just the pieces that were “real” from it.
Meow Meow kept me sane another year and we bonded more after I left the bad environment I was living in before August.I honestly don’t know what I’d do without Meow Meow
It was definitely a journey this year and a wake up call and realization that everything that has happened in my life has really been happening for a reason so I honestly hands down can say I’m ready for 2011.I turn 20 in january and I can’t let next year go by and be stuck at where I’m at right now and then turn 21 and lose my mind about what I’m really going to do..
Sometimes life doesn’t seem fair, you try and keep trying and realize you’re just going to keep falling on your face, not for the hell of it but because you have to learn to turn from what’s making you fall on your face and try variety and see what else is out there in the world that you can learn and grow from.You break up with people that you’ve been in long term relationships with because you no longer have anything to learn from or maybe you’re not as happy as you should be or maybe it’s not even about you but about them and what lesson ‘they’ need to learn, just my personal opinion. I’ve been single almost 3 years now and it sucks but i’m still pushing and i’m in no way ready to bring someone into my problems and struggles so it’s been best for me to be single and many people don’t look at their situations or struggles they’re in they just want someone to be there for them when they fall which is reasonable but in the end, you’re the only one left standing where you left off people are just a crutch..
I’ve met plenty amazing people I will definitely be keeping in touch with until next year and there’s people I will definitely cut off for good.I no longer care for just random strangers,I’m getting a day older everyday and realize how immature some people still are and how much they have to learn and refuse to learn because almost nobody wants to be told what to do since everyone wants to do things “their” way.I no longer care to help out as much as I use to or be as patient with douche bags like I was. I’ve never had so much drama in my life until I started giving strangers a chance which lets me know that my ways on how I was before being so open were fine as they were and I should of never gave some people even the time or day.
I have big plans and I’m keeping my mouth shut about them this time and just slowly but surely going to reach my goals.When I do everyone who has ever doubted me will regret what they ever said and literally eat their own shit because we all know the saying that success is definitely the ultimate revenge.I’m not a vengeful person either, I just like to make sure whoever was ever in the wrong realizes what they did and said and feels stupid in the end for finally coming to terms with their own stupidity and ignorance of foul play and foul manners.I’d do anything for anybody and instead I just get slaps in the face so this time, I’m slapping back.
2010 might of made me feel sad and upset about how much I didn’t get to do like I wanted and I am really sad I feel lonely and beat up and not satisfied with myself but it’s my own fault for not trying as hard as I should but I as well let things happen the way they should and did.I love myself more than anyone and anything in this world and I’m going to continue to grow, I might of grown up too fast but I’m embracing it and I’ve felt much happier doing so because of they great communication with people I have nowadays.I’ve learned that age really is nothing but a number and that as long as you’re happy and can have an intellectual conversation, you’re fine.Some people might disagree and I know what they will disagree with me about but I understand completely where people come from when it comes to age I just have a broad way of looking at things.I wish everyone luck and hope everyone reaches their goals next year if they didn’t this year and I hope for the best
So before the years over, meet me
My names Brian Amador
Brian Is who I am and who I protect
Jameson is the half that completes me
Amador is the spanish definition for a male lover, which is what I am to the core of my being
I love hard
I love myself
I have respect
I have morals
I care for almost everyone
I’m a hopeless romantic
I’ll live life to the fullest and not regret a single thing, just learn
I’m human and will never have to have some prop 8 or dadt proposal make me feel less of who I am or try to fit in because being human is already enough and I’m already equal to everyone it all comes down to the type of person you are and who will respect and accept you, that’s it..
your memories will stay stuck like glue on paper
I learned more this year and I’m not going to complain just keep loving life as it comes.
I hope everyone does the same and just appreciates what they have.
I’m ready for what’s coming next and I’m excited whether it be bad or good.
Tomorrow’s a new day
Tomorrow things might change
I’m ready for 2011 and this time
I’ll try harder
-King Of Hearts