Lately I don’t quite know where I stand in my faith. I’m not quite sure which side I feel more a part of once again..
The dark or the light?
I feel like the music choices I’ve made lately are naturally making me gravitate towards the dark again. But I find it odd because it’s music I enjoy.
The dark is fun to divulge in yet so toxic and after I finally snap out of it I feel guilty and unsure of myself… Like a child that has wronged.
I’ve always felt like I belonged to the side that holds light and no matter how dark I go, I know that there’s always a string of light to guide me back to where I belong and forces reminding me where I belong..
A part of me isn’t quite sure whether to believe the things on social media trying to brain wash me to thinking otherwise or believing that the light has some ways that we as people might consider evil?..
Sometimes I wake up feeling like a hypocrite because I believe the light is the path to follow and I try my best but the darkness has always had such a strong pull on me that lately I’ve spent more time in the dark and have really questioned myself if I belong there? Should I embrace it? Should I not? Who exactly am I when it comes to faith? A believer because I want to be good and afraid of being punished or am I truly a part of the darkness and denying it?…
I’ve never been put to the test like lately and it just feels like I’m rebelling more lately.. Instead of my hands being in oran they’ve been kept open.. As if I’m waiting for more the dark has to offer and not yet satisfied with what I’ve learned.. I’ve never let it in like before and I feel it’s doing more harm than good.
Yet the one thing I’ve truly asked to get rid of that was affecting me so much has suddenly vanished like I’ve wanted… Call it faith, call it power of will but the unhealthy nature I once possessed is suddenly gone. My body doesn’t crave like it used to for another….
Although lately everything I feel I’ve worked so hard towards to rid of has slowly slipped back into my life so I continue to deny it to remain good and in good faith.. I’m naturally attracted to the power of sexuality..
I feel sex was always a way to let the Devil in and is…
When I think of something holy and pure and think of the light beaming on me or thinking of it I feel awakened and healthy. But when I spend too much time dwelling in the dark I begin to feel ill and annoyed..
But I feel as if I’ll always have
An angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other constantly tugging at the wheel..
Only time will truly be able to tell how long I dwell and how well I crawl out of this spiritual warfare.