I think there comes a point in everyone’s life where you just sit back and reflect on everything you’ve gone through and where you are today and for the past couple of weeks that’s kind of where I’ve been..
To start; I didn’t receive the best news in October and let’s just say that these past couple of weeks have really made me re-evaluate my life and where I plan on being in the next 5 years. I’ve decided that I finally want to go back to school for graphic design and hopefully move to LA in the future. I have quit partying for good, no matter if it’s a holiday or my birthday I won’t be going out to party nearly as much as I was. Sure partying is fun but if nothing is being celebrated I will not be going out. There’s allot of stuff that has been happening in my life that’s bad enough for me to just say “fuck this I want more” and that’s where I’m at right now.
I’ve realized how little people care about others and it’s disgusting to me. Honestly, even if you don’t know someone you should never harm someone else and you should never disrespect another person unless you have a reason to. I’ve realized how fucked up people are this day and age and I’m done with it. No I’m not pissed off, no I’m not trying to rant or say this should change because it won’t but instead I am choosing to remove myself from so many things I was doing and certain people I was talking to. Almost like when my best friend passed away, that’s exactly how I’m feeling again but what has happened with ME is now personal and enough to stamp me into thinking the way I am now.
I have been changing tremendously too
- I’ve stopped wasting energy on people which can be difficult for me because I have soooo much fucking fight in me and wanting to prove I’m right. Instead I’ve decided to see what and who is worth wasting my energy over if I ever do. I’ve started to just go back to ignoring people and just walking away.
- Since I’ve stopped partying I’ve changed my alcohol list and started drinking more more beer and wine since I don’t really plan on getting wasted how I used to anymore at least not as much as I used to because I’m not going to say I’m not getting drunk ever again type of shit. I don’t even like waking up drunk I fucking hate it.
- I need to start seeing what I want out of my life and pay attention to the choices I’m making and the consequences they’re leading to.
I’m not waiting until next year to start that whole I’M CHANGING bullshit. I’m letting the rest of this year roll out but starting on my changes now.
Personally I just feel like lately I’m not really surrounding myself around people who are progressing in life. Not saying that these people are not good friends and I’m not trying to bash anyone in any way but everyone lives a different life and is comfortable with whatever it is they’re doing and still working on themselves and that is OK. I like to be around people who work hard and get ahead in life because you’ll realize that those type of people actually help inspire the best out of you and help you be a better person. Not saying that I don’t do a good job alone but I’ve always felt like a one man show it would just be nice to surround myself around more positive and strong people. I don’t mean that in a “using” kind of way but sometimes as much as I hate to admit it, I need help and when you have help from good friends it helps you think more and more about situations and how to better handle them and yourself.
I have amazing friends and the more I’ve reached out lately the more I feel like I can get ahead and I can benefit from talking to them about everything I’m going through because they push me to do more with myself.
My advice to anyone who is struggling is to talk to as many CLOSE people as possible because close friends honestly do give the best advice to any fucked up situation you might be in. True friends and people you can trust are the ones you contact immediately after something happens or you go to when something really bad happens and you need to talk.
After Joey passed away I kind of forgot that I actually really do have great friends in my circle like REALLY fucking good friends and I’ve been reaching out to many and just realizing how many actually DO care about me.. The problem with me is when I feel lonely I begin to feel like no one really cares but lately that hasn’t been the case and it feels good.. I felt hopeless without Joey and yes I miss him all the time and yes I think about him just about every day but I have also been able to cope with it better and surround myself more with the friends I have.
So aside from all the negative happening I don’t wanna say things are looking up or down but they’re right where they need to be and I’m just going with the fucking flow.