Time fly’s when you’re single! Been single 3 years now and going strong.
It has definitely been an interesting 3 years filled with so many different guys for fucks sake.. So many failed attempts to be happy and be with someone, that I’ve put it in my mind that it’s normal to be fucked over by guys lol. I don’t zero in on being in a relationship because I do like my space but lately I’ve been doing so many things that it has been in the back of my mind how great it would be to have someone to do these things with.
I’m not closed off to love I’m just afraid to because when I get my heart involved I become vulnerable and scared of being hurt but this year I’m changing that. I’ve started by making my mom my valentine like she always is. Instead of pouring my heart to a guy I’ve taken the time to for once in my life show my mom the true heart her son has.. I’ve always been scared to talk to her about love and what I do to show someone I love them and care for them because I hate getting emotional and my emotions and feelings are extremely personal to me.. I hold them with my heart and lock them in a box where only I can reach them and she always brings the emotions out of me that I shut out so much because of feeling hurt or sad.. So I wrote her this letter for her bday that was a couple of days ago and for Valentine’s Day.. I’ll go ahead and translate what I said to her since it’s in spanish..
“Mom, Sorry I got confused with your birthday and Valentine’s Day. I feel alone now that I don’t see you every day. I hope this year brings allot of love and care for you because you deserve it all. You’re an incredible person and I continue to learn so much from you and about you. I know you feel alone sometimes and feel like there isn’t a good man out there that could love you but as long as I’m alive you’ll have a guy that loves you because I love you very much. I know I come off like I don’t need anyone but I need you more than it seems. You make me strong and help me see who loves me and who doesn’t.. I hope this year brings you so much happiness and celebration. I love you”
So, there it is, a tiny glimpse of my way of expressing love and care in a few short sentences. I’m just a big ball of love and passion it just takes a very special and right person to bring it out of me and once that side comes out I completely wrap them with love and care and make sure they’re happy. But I won’t suffocate them.
It’s funny how emotions work and when they want to come out and when they don’t. I’ve always kept so much from people because I really have been hurt. But from hurting I’ve been able to not let myself get attached or let myself fall for people that don’t want me or don’t know what they want I just have fun and see what comes of situations. Most of the time it’s nothing but a good time for the time being. But I have been doing perfectly fine single and have grown and learned so much about myself through it. I’ve changed my views on many things and have learned to truly love myself and be proud of what I am and who I am that it’s hard to really hurt me because I brush so much off.
This year I won’t say I’ll completely open my heart but if the opportunity presents itself then I’ll definitely know to not restrain my feelings because of fear or past anguish. This Valentine’s Day so far has been a growing experience from me just sitting here and talking about everything just like everything else. I always see the positive in everything and stay optimistic. Hopefully this day doesn’t turn into complete shit! I’m having a drink after work for sure or coming home and climbing into another bottle of wine lol.
Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone and if you’re in a relationship or engaged congratulations you’re a winner and a keeper and that should make you feel very special. If you’re single, have a drink.
Quote of the Day
“A relationship is an art of love and however you paint your picture will be the way you live it and see it. No one can judge art because the way you paint a picture is completely different to what someone else might have in mind and that’s what makes love beautiful, it’s unique. It’s the deepest set of emotions you have and provide to someone else and the ones that show your character so don’t dispose of them on someone who doesn’t deserve it.”