So I’ve always been interested in light and dark and the Devil and God. I have a ton of books on life after death, beginners bibles etc. All because I want to understand God and the Devil and what makes dark what it is and what makes light what it is. It’s always been something that has fascinated me and something I’ve had plenty of experience with since I’ve seeked for meaning and gone through some very dark phases.
I did witchcraft growing up when I was about 15 or 16 thinking it was fun, but I was definitely no witch or wizard just a kid practicing a bunch of shit. I got very heavy into it and then I began to no longer really believe in God but believe in the Devil. There was a ton going on in my life at the time at home and I just felt like if God was real then he wouldn’t be putting me through such misery and leaving me abandoned. So I seeked out the Devil and thought, well if the light won’t help me well then maybe the dark will understand me and take me in.. Wrong. The dark became darker and when you get into Satanism of any sort and kind of lose faith it’s seriously the worse feeling imaginable. It feels like something rotting in you and all I can think about is a rancid stench and a tunnel with no exit. It’s a very complex road to go down and if you don’t know what you’re doing you really get lost.
So I got out of all that shit and seeked out God once again, everything felt brighter and every time I went to church it was a feeling of someone saying, no matter what you’ve done, you’re welcome here, so stay. It still does feel like that. The feeling is very overwhelming and you definitely have to be receptive to what you’re feeling when you’re indulging in any kind of light and dark practice because it’ll help you choose the path you want to go down.
Since I’ve been so against any type of witchcraft I have steered clear faarrrr far away from it as possible. I don’t believe in it and don’t think it’s right no matter what type you do. But.. I was at Barnes and Noble the other day looking for astrology books since I’ve always been so interested in the zodiac and studied the way people act compared to their sign and I’ve even been able to determine someone’s sign by their body figure. Just for the record astrology falls into that same category of witchcraft but I don’t read a daily horoscope from what a psychic believes my day is going to be like. I see astrology as a tool to help me study people and the relationships I develop with certain signs.
So I’m searching for books on astrology and to my surprise I couldn’t find any good ones like, at fucking all. I searched everywhere and gave up but I was still in the metaphysical section and came across a book called The Black Arts
What called my name to this book, I don’t know. I had another moment where a book called me to it. The book works more so like a brief history on Black Magic, astrology, necromancy etc. It explains everything and has some historic pieces in it. It explains some of the greatest Satanists out there that were convicted for murders due to Magic or just being crazy.
In one of the chapters it explains how this woman named “Elizabeth Bathory” used to bath in woman’s blood to preserve her looks and if you guys are fans of American Horror Story season 3 than you know that one of the characters (Madame Delphine LaLaurie) reinacted Elizabeth, the only difference is Elizabeth bathed in woman’s Virgin blood and Madame Delphine LaLaurie bathed in men’s. Both woman held their victims hostage. It’s comparisons like this that help me understand that I’m not the only one who seeks light and dark I just feel Hollywood seeks more dark than light because I think light is more personal and something you get in touch with emotion but darkness has a way of pulling you into it because temptation can be so fun and fulfilling. Darkness is interesting because it’s like a thrill and people now a days live for a good thrill. In the end darkness ultimately leaves you high and dry in the end from what I’ve seen.
You can cover your ass and live life one step at a time avoiding drama and bullshit that the dark might pull to you but you can’t fuck with fate and things unravel in a way that might knock you on your ass and realize things in a different light. That’s where I think light comes into play.
Either way, I decided to pick this book up to understand the Dark since I’ve always shielded myself from certain parts of it since it scares me. But you kind of have to learn about the dark in order to understand the light and balance the 2 which will help open your eyes more to what’s going on around you. That’s what this is all about for me. Seeing what’s happening around me day to day and what I can do to help myself.
I try to better myself every day with new challenges that life puts before me but I’ve always felt a dark impulse in me that comes out sometimes from a place deep deep in me where I keep it locked away. When it comes out it’s hard to shove it back into place with light. It then becomes this ongoing battle of learning more and more from the light in order to balance the both out in me. I feel like I sound crazy sometimes the way I think and see these type of things but this is something I think of every day and it’s hard to stop.. I feel I won’t stop until I’ve finally learned everything but these things take time and the bible is like, the never ending story so I probably will never find peace I’ll just keep searching and learning but it’s up to me to choose what path I take and how I handle challenges. I feel that’s how it is for everyone but from the looks of it, it seems everyone is so easily influenced by superficial and temporary shit that isn’t good for your health or mind and people don’t bother to open their mind to spirituality.
There are certain things I can’t do, listen to or see because it will take me so far back to those times I was in that dark place and before I reach those feelings I cut myself off from what I’m doing because the feelings literally freak me the fuck out. This is all just so much to take in and it’s something so extreme and intense..
This is something hard for me to talk about but it’s a situation where only I can understand what I’m trying to process in my own mind. I can only talk to certain people about this situation who understand God and the Devil so I tend to feel really isolated and lost with it all from time to time. It’s a struggle but it’s a fun ride learning everything, I won’t lie.
Quote of the Day
“I’ve learned to believe that light teaches and shows as opposed to dark which pleases and fulfills any void temporarily.”