Shadow’s for friends

New hair

I seem to feel alone lately..I haven’t really felt alone because I like being alone but what I mean by that is.. Everyone seems to be so caught up in these superficial life styles where they feel the need to act and look a certain way..

Recently I don’t know what’s in the air but everyone seems to be so aggressive…

I went to a festival about 2 weeks ago and some jack ass drunk guy was talking to my friend since they knew each other and then turned to me and didn’t even introduce himself, he decided to start blabbering about who he was and that I could of met such great people if I wasn’t on my phone when he didn’t even say hello or acknowledge me when I walked up with my friend who knew him. I was looking at him confused as hell.. But I knew he was drunk so I had to hold my tongue because when you fight with someone drunk you look like a complete fucking fool since they’re DRUNK. It’s almost like you have to feel sorry for them for being so wasted..I personally don’t give a shit who anybody is because tomorrow you could be something greater than them and take a shit on their whole life story and that’s the only thing that ran through my mind at that moment.

If you’re not humble about your success you just look like an arrogant prick with foul manners and very poor social and professional skills. Money can’t buy that, that’s something you’re taught growing up by your parents and then it looks like your parents didn’t teach you shit other than how to be successful if even that..

Anyways, I just feel like there’s so many people these days that are becoming successful and keep striving to want more and more and more and end up in fucked up situations or really really rude.. It seems like whenever I lay in bed and wonder about these things I run into bible verses that really make me wonder.. Whether you’re religious or just believe in god or whatever I think everyone should at least read a verse to see what I’m talking about.. For instance I ran a couple of these that made me think more about myself and my future.

1 Timothy 6
These are the things you are to teach and insist on. If anyone teaches otherwise and does not  agree to the sound instruction of our Lord Jesus Christ and to godly teaching, they are conceited and understand nothing. They have an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions and constant friction between people of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain.
(this makes me think of all the artists now a days that use upside down crosses and such to gain more publicity and to look more extreme..)

1Timothy 6:9-10
But if it’s only money these leaders are after, they’ll self-destrust in no time. Lust for money brings trouble and nothing but trouble. Going down that path, some lose their footing in the faith completely and live to regret it bitterly ever after.
(this makes me think of ambition and how some people chase success so hard they forget who they are and live their whole lives working to earn a pay  check with no spiritual knowledge or care of what else is out there other than money..)

Instantly when I read things like this, something locks in my head that makes me change, it makes me change in a way that if something crazy presents itself in the future I’ll know how to go around it because I’m aware of what people are like and what other people are trying to bring out of me when overall you are you’re ultimate weapon..

It doesn’t hurt to read a verse or 2 sometimes..You have nothing to lose by reading.. I don’t understand how anybody would look up to a celebrity and listen to every word they say and the false inspirations they project rather than read something that’s much more interesting.. Just saying.. But to each their own.

The minute you let someone take hold of the handle you’ve just become nothing but bullets and a disposable magazine..There’s so many artists that have so much potential and have sooooo much talent and end up selling their talents for money and to be controlled to look “cool” or whatever the hell the case may be.. Lately it seems like they’re all trying to challenge each other to see who’s the most inspirational and who’s the best and doing it in such a selfish manner.

I’ll constantly repeat the fact that I don’t want people to look at me as amazing or smart or anything.. Just to see where I’m coming from with what I’m talking about..Open your eyes to what’s going on around you rather than what’s on television..

This is where I feel alone.. I’ve met maybe 3-4 people who understand where I’m coming from with the fact that I rather look up to a real god rather than an artist trying to think they’re god or saying things to try and inspire you so that you can believe in them and buy an album or a movie.. It’s like selling real knowledge for fake empty words.. There’s a difference between being inspired and idolizing. With idolization comes expectation . I wouldn’t want anyone to expect me to be some holy saint because I know I’m not, I just have a voice like everyone else and use mine.

I feel sort of lost and alienated..

I see more and more people doing and acting a certain way to fit in and don’t get it.. I just like to be me and not look like everyone else or act like everyone else.. I’m no better than anyone but my point is just, I don’t feel like I have a place anywhere.

I feel like everyone is grouped and has their own click and I don’t fit in any click because of how different I am that I just avoid going out most of the time because of it.. I don’t feel like many people are being real with me that I talk to and those who are, are never out.

I guess I’ll just have to continue to keep taking each day as it comes and hope for the best.

I don’t know exactly where my heart is with what I want to do with my future but I know one thing won’t change.. Me, I’ve managed to stay myself through everything and hope everyone does the same.. I’ll never fit a stereotype because I don’t believe in them.

Quote of the Day

“There’s nothing more solid than bravery. No one can take away anything from you if you’re strong enough to remain true to yourself and everyone and everything around you without fear of being criticized..”


4 Comments Add yours

  1. lindsay says:

    Just do you love. Thats all you can do 🙂


  2. Agnes says:

    as always Brian I feel the same as You, I know it sounds boring but this is how I feel, and be strong even if you feel alone sometimes 🙂


  3. Agnes says:

    think about ppl who read your words and maybe they’ll change for better


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