After going through everything recently and especially today, I’ve grown so bitter towards some people. It’s funny how when something major happens in life you look at people in a much broad light because you realize motives instantly. Maybe it’s just me bitching and being dramatic but I’ve never felt so strong about this and I’ve never been so fucking PISSED in my entire life. I’m in pain from today that’s unimaginable but I’m going to remain optimistic towards the future and not look behind but burn every mother fucker that was back there. I’m done making an effort of any sort with anyone, if anyone wants to talk to me I’m all ears but I just realize what a complete fool I make of myself from trying to build anything with anyone such as relationships, trust, friendships, anything of the sort because fucked up shit ends up happening. I either need a break for now or a break for good. My real friends are all I need right now. I’m isolating again, it’s always good for me to isolate at least once a year to just gather my thoughts and take a step back because I never get this worked up unless I’m truly offended or enraged like I am right now. So to not be destructive and cruel towards others I just avoid a bunch of people and chill out and see what the next step I need to take is.
I’m no pig nor do I feel the need to fucking lay with one
I have a huge heart and lately it just seems like I keep avoiding the fact it keeps being broken and the fact I keep being mistreated by bastard ass people. Reason being is, I try not to get attached to anyone or acknowledge what I’m really doing because numbing everything and not paying attention to feelings at all tends to keep my head above water instead of constantly thinking there’s hope in people. I don’t get ugly or bitchy often because I know the minute I open my mouth all hell breaks loose and it’s more work time and energy dealing with everything rather then ranting about it and just ignoring. I can put up a good fucking fight but that takes a hell of allot more energy out of me than anything else that I don’t feel necessary to constantly do it.
I won’t sit here and completely blame others for my own unhappiness and problems because I’m no bitch and can handle myself quite well. I know I make mistakes as well and I know that I should be allot more careful with who I meet and who I allow in my life and what I do but sometimes you just think you might be letting the right person in when in reality it’s nothing but a wolf in sheeps clothing or better yet, the devil himself. I do believe everything happens for a reason but I don’t believe in people saying false things to try to get you in their clutches to take advantage or take something from you and run with it.
Now I understand why my mother always told me to be careful with what I was doing and to not get to far into things that I’ll later regret. I understand now why parents are over protective, because shit like this happens that they can’t do anything about really other then try to put a band aid on the wound and hope you’ll be strong enough to some day take it off and learn to not make the same mistake again. And make the same mistake again I won’t, that’s a swear.
Quote of the Day
“Burning bridges and building new ones”