A mask of gold

SO this week I found out some stuff, not very good stuff but nothing that can’t be dealt with

The minute I found out what was wrong with me slowly but surely I felt myself changing my point of view on everything and the big fucking mistakes I made in the past. I don’t regret anything I did because I clearly knew what I was doing and kept on doing what I was doing. Not just that but I really learned that if something ends with someone you should just let it go…Shit happens for a reason and when you force things more and more things keep fucking up because you’re not meant to be doing what you’re doing or meant to be with someone you’re with..


I’m angry as all fuck but silence kills and I’m just gonna keep staying quite. If I’ve told you what’s going on then it’s because I trust you and because you’re close to me. If I haven’t told you it’s because you have a big fucking mouth, or I just haven’t gotten around to it, either way, don’t ask. But just for the record I DO NOT HAVE HIV, js because I know the tone I’m creating sounds like that just might be what I’m talking about, the answer is no.

No matter what happens I’m not afraid of death, I’m not afraid of being alone because I’m used to it. If someone truly loves and cares about me they’ll look past my flaws and try with me, that’s generally speaking. If someone loves you, your looks shouldn’t matter, what you look like when you wake up shouldn’t matter and if someone can love you for you then everything else that’s wrong with you should seem perfect to who you’re with because that’s what makes you who you are. I’m not a fucking barbie doll and I’m not some easy piece of ass for everyone to get a piece of which is why I don’t get into relationships or even bother meeting people because the majority look at me like a fantasy of theirs waiting to be fulfilled. Let’s get something straight, I dress the way I do to impress and to look good NOT for anyone else. I push people away more than I meet them because I know how the majority are and if you’re not the majority, then prove it.

Tao beach

So, all I’m going to say is that I’ll continue living life and working on me and getting rid of my cause because apparently it can burn out eventually, depending..

For now, I believe I’m where I need to be in life, shit happens you move on and you grow up and that’s just what I’m doing. I’m going to continue to cut out people from my life once again because I just keep realizing more and more people could really give a shit about you they just want to be nosey and then keep on doing what they’re doing without really wanting to be there for you. If you really know me, you’ll know that I can’t fucking stand drama or deal with it. My buisness is mine for a reason and I don’t need anyone sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong, if I let you know what’s going on then that’s a different story. In the meantime I’m gonna keep faking everything and keeping to myself like I need to keep doing, no distractions..It really sucks but it just doesn’t seem sometimes like people are as genuine as they make themselves out to be..I know we all have a fucked up side to us but no matter what I go through I’m gonna always stay true to myself and know the truth about me and be there for whomever and look past flaws but it doesn’t seem like everyone can do that and that’s fine.

Quote of the day

“A mask of gold hides all deformities.”

-Thomas Dekker


12 Comments Add yours

  1. Agnes says:

    Brian I know that I will never know you, becouse of distance, but I really wish you luck and hope you will be alright, its good to know that somewhere there is the person who think like you, feel like you and act like you 🙂


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