So this weekend I spent it in California
I left Thursday last week and was there until today (Monday)
That Thursday night I went out with a friend in West Hollywood and got smashed for the first time in who knows how long since I don’t drink heavy at all anymore.
I must admit, they say everything happens for a reason. I always seem to dig for meaning to things and tend to realize almost immediately why things happen the way they do to me.
I refuse to explain what it is I’m talking about but lets just say that I feel disgusted with myself allot and realize how scared and submissive I can be. It’s things like this that happen for me to pull away from everyone and just kind of do my own thing. Aside from being out there and out of control and loud I’m as well a very private and quite person and like to be respected as a person.
So this weekend in Cali was good as far as the fact I got to spend time with a couple friends and do my own thing.
I realized that lately I’ve started to embrace my more natural look..I’m always so done up and don’t exactly like to take pictures when my face isn’t completely on but lately it seems that I’m not even comfortable in my own skin so Thursday night was the only night I wore makeup. Every other day in Cali I didn’t wear any at all. Now don’t get me wrong I barely EVER wear makeup because I don’t go out as often unless it’s to work or to the store which is fine but I won’t step foot in a club or somewhere of the sort without any on. I really feel like I challenged myself because I needed to push past some insecurities and no one else is gonna push me so I have to do it on my own.
I’m changing some things up this month because I’m honestly tired of being talked to like a fucking barbie doll. I don’t dress the way I do for people to fantasize and see what I’ll wear next to turn them on I dress the way I do for me and to go out looking nice. Unfortunately there’s a bunch of snot nosed pigs that look at you and think you dress up for whomever you’re with and I’m sorry but I am not the one. I do what I do for me and me only. Being in Cali just made me realize allot and the way people have been acting towards me, I’m so not used to all that filthy shit. I admit I’m honestly kind of prudish because of my strict way of thinking..I’m not going to say I’m a saint at all times because I do get a little wild but I keep that to a minimum and like my privacy to stay fucking PRIVATE.
Aside from all that, I drank on the plane home and got sorta drunk since I had drank at LAX before the plane took off. Which was quite funny. It’s something I have been wanting to do haha.
I went platinum blonde tonight finally and it was a bitch. I’ll be posting photos online soon of it haha.
if you have an instagram then feel free to follow me because I seem to be posting a fuck load of photos on there now.
I’m always changing and doing something different but what I’ve learned from all these blogs I’ve written is that allot of the problems I’ve talked about I still sort of have but am trying to still change and get rid of. What I mean by that is I honestly feel for everyone who has any kind of hard problem they’re trying to overcome because sometimes things aren’t just easy to get rid of. When something is personal and emotional you’ll realize people act really different and do very strange things and get really bad habits so you have to honestly look within yourself and change and push yourself in order to become a better person. Life is too short to have nasty bad habits and change can be fun and really good. As you can tell I did plenty of thinking these last 4 days and I couldn’t be happier. I strive to be a better person and to keep learning more and more everyday.
My cousin also had her baby tonight and I am beyond excited and happy to see what she’s gonna be like now with a baby. She’s one of the cousins I’ve always been able to relate with and we’ve always been known as the out of control party animals of the family because we go so well hand in hand haha. She’s the reason I’ve grown as strong as I have and if it weren’t for her.
Quote of the Day
“Insecurity is something that strikes your most vulnerable core in my opinion. I believe this is true because when you’re insecure about yourself for whatever reason you feel embarrassed at the same time which leads you to lash out and do stupid things and make stupid decisions just to feel better about yourself. Look at what’s wrong and change it, that’s all, don’t be scared to admit when you’re wrong or made a mistake. Strength is truly something everyone admires”.