Black Rain

I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter how mature you are there will always be a part of you that isn’t fully mature yet that takes experience for that part of you to grow..

The reason why I start by saying that is because coming from experience in a relationship I realized allot that happened that I did was out of just flat out stupidity because it wasn’t that I didn’t care what so ever because I really did care but I feel like sometimes you know something’s wrong but don’t think much of it because you tell yourself you’re not or you won’t ever be a certain type of person to do something but without realizing you get put in a situation or spot where you aren’t thinking straight or might just not have enough self control or control a situation at all and end up slipping and falling on your ass by whatever you do. Maybe it’s something you did, somewhere you went, maybe even something you said etc.

What I learned from this though is that some of us really are just weak when it comes to certain things and it takes experience sometimes to really slap you in the face and make you hurt and realize what you’re doing and how severe something you did or said could be to someone else. Everyone has feelings and a set way of thinking and if you don’t know how to coincide or cooperate then you’re just going to clash like a mother fucker.

If the person you’re with can get through things with you and help you see light and help you fix up a problem and forgive you for the shit you do, they’re fucking worth it. If instead they end up changing and breaking because of a problem then you’ve now realized what and who that person really is because of how they’re acting and what they’re doing and they really aren’t worth your time, you always want someone that’s going to bring the best out of you and not just think of their own feelings and how they feel but you want them to realize you have a problem and help you fucking fix it, not push you to the ground again or leave you there. If someone isn’t willing to treat you correctly or love you for you and love you for some of your flaws and see that you really are trying to change or have made changes then they’re not worth your time personally.

People don’t even know themselves or aren’t ready for something serious and if that’s the case then the relationship isn’t going to go anywhere. If you’re not completely happy then you shouldn’t settle for less because that’s all you’re gonna get.Sometimes you’re not the one and you have to accept that and move on.

I’ve just come to realize that all of us have issues and personal problems and need to be alone to re-evaluate ourselves before jumping head first into anything or making someone else deal with our shit or stupidity. I think you have to really look into the future and see if you could really see yourself with this person 5 years from now, forever or long term, however you’re comfortable seeing it. If you’re just fucking around and fooling around with people that’s your buisness but this post is mainly for those that are or have ever been serious about relationships.

The hardest part of everything is the fact you remember everything you did together, the happy times, where you went, that’s what kills you but all in all I really have realized that SOMETIMES, time doesn’t heal all it just makes the scar deeper. Some people can get over shit but others just really can’t and that gash will always fucking be there reminding you everyday to never make the same mistake again or to never get with someone like the last person..

“it all boils down to one quotable phrase, if you love something, give it away”

-Bright Eyes

everyone is beautiful even at their worst, it’s fascinating and to meet people even those with issues because it’s great to actually be able to try and help them and build something together and see where they might be fucking up at and hey, that might be the love of your life if they let you in to help them.

I see problems for what they are, everyone has the ability to do that we just choose to ignore it and keep running away from our secrets and problems and if that’s the case, keep em and keep running, eventually you’ll stop running and they’ll hit you like a bus, then you won’t have a choice. It’ll be like putting salt on a wound so better to confront your problems head on then run from them. Just saying

All I have to say to end this, is that, I really learned allot this year and have taken things allot more serious then I already do. I apologize whenever I hurt someone but I refuse to continue to blame myself for the way someone is becoming or acting because of something I did or said. You have to know who you are before accusing someone of something. If you’re not strong enough to hold your ground, stand up and take shit, then you’re not strong enough for a relationship you will just always know how to carry yourself and that’s as far as you’ll ever get..I thank everyone for the good I have learned and what they’ve done for me.

These 2 songs nail my feelings

Quote of the Day

“I don’t wish you the best of luck and I don’t wish you the worst, I don’t wish you anything, just picture yourself in an empty room in dead silence. That’s what I wish you, nothing. Because I don’t want wrong done to me or coming my way and I don’t want good done to me unless I deserve it. I don’t want a guilty or angry conscious anymore because of what I have to say or do say because my mouth is my biggest fucking weapon. It’s best to just not say anything to avoid any further conflict or negative energy, I just want the pain to slowly fade and move on..”

Yours truly


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Agnes says:

    I love how you write and match the words in right way, I wish I could write like you, everytime Im reading your blog I think yeah, its like here, exactly the same like with me, like as I want to say something, but I cant, all my feelings like yours, maybe thats couse of Im capricorn like you, I dont know, but anyway I wish You all the good things, the best, youre so strong person, I wish I could be with someone like you, becouse you see all things in other way, deeper, you are so magic for me (…)


  2. Agnes says:


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