The Scar Guardian

So I get a phone call from my nephews school today at 1:12pm

They pretty much told me that my nephew had been telling the teacher about how my sister was a jail before and what not.It broke my heart to pieces hearing that because I know my nephew as well as my mom brother and I has seen some horrible things growing up.I’ve done my hardest though to take care of everyone how I should and take the blows for everyone because I have mechanisms for getting over things and I know how to be strong on my own not saying others don’t but I just rather deal with it then someone younger than me and especially when it comes to my nieces and nephew.

It just hurts to know he’s going to remember allot of this stuff growing up, I’ve done my best to help him out and make sure he grows up alright and doesn’t struggle with much of his past but I did what I could..

Being the one that takes blows left and right really gets to you in the end..I’ve been strong enough to deal with everything my way and managed to be stronger than the problems that have came up in the past but now that I hear things like this it makes me realize everything I tried to avoid and everything I did to try and help everyone be happy even though the moments might of not been the happiest..Once again everything is hitting me all at once, all it takes is one thing to just bring back everything I tried to put away for so long.Normally I manage to put all my emotions away but sometimes doors are left cracked open and it doesn’t take much for once thing to open that door completely and let everything out..

All I know is I’ve done my part with this family and just need to live it day to day now.I’m not sure what to say anymore, it just feels like these problems won’t be over until I’m dead, due to selfish people that think about only themselves and act like children.

It’s not hard to act adult and grow up you know? no one wants to that’s the thing, majority like to be babied and get what they want when they want it and how they want it, sorry shit doesn’t work like that.

 

I guess I just see where things go from here..

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