Tightrope Walker

There’s those people that are tough on the outside and soft on the inside

I’d be one of them

When you do so much for someone you’ll always end up feeling used if you don’t get anything in return.This seems to be the case with me allot but only when I help those I “believe” i’m close with and find out they’re just fucking me over in the end.

I’m a strong believer that we’re put here to help one another, that’s what world peace is about isn’t it?
I do my best to help people and get stepped on but it doesn’t bother me much from people i’m not close with more so those that deceive you and prove to be frauds.

I realize that ever since I been going out allot I’ve gotten a bit out of control to the point where I feel used and unappreciated and just shity allot.I did it to myself though so now I have to fix myself and all the bullshit around me that’s been going on..These past 5 days have been eye opening and made me realize allot about myself but I also realize that when shit goes wrong for me I always tend to think about what I need to get done and just avoid people for awhile and get stuck on myself until I feel better. I hope everyone else does this and doesn’t fuck around crying or wishing what could of been, that’s just wasted time. Like I’ve always said, I live life to the fullest, no regrets and no thinking about the past and what could of been, instead focus on what is happening now and what it’s going to take to get to where I want to be..I expect so much out of myself that I need to relax..

In a way I feel like a heroine addict..The ones that do the drug and picture their happy place and get lost in their high thinking about how great it feels and then you come down and just feel worse for it just being fake and it being nothing but an illusion..an illusion you couldn’t reach

In a way I don’t think allot of us realize how precious we are…Everyone has a piece of sensitivity a piece so special to us a piece that is so valuable that you don’t want to give away and when you do unethical things pieces of you just fade..your innocence leaves the building then what are you left with? a monster you created? a lost and confused individual? I realize how many people struggle with this and don’t stop to think that their actions might just hurt them in the future when reality and memories sink in..I feel like this has just happened lately and I think of what caused it and feel like I might of just put myself into overdrive to cover up how horrible I was feeling..I go out like a mother fucker now and just never feel satisfied enough, I’m trying to just make myself feel happy and do so much with myself to catch up and feel like I’m where I should be in life right now but it just feels like running with no finish line to cross.

I don’t feel sad, I’m just upset with how I’ve been doing things and the things I’ve allowed and what has been thrown at me.

No one knows us better than ourselves and everytime i think about the type of person I was growing up and how far I’ve come with my mom and friends it makes me realize how much I value myself and even though things might suck sometimes, I like to push through it but make the best out of it so I don’t feel I wasted time doing nothing..

There’s much more of a story behind those you talk shit about and assume things just always remember that.You don’t know why someone does what they do, why they look the way they do or act a certain way.I know I do a fair share of running my mouth sometimes but who doesn’t? it’s human nature yes, but when you do it over and over and over you just become a shit person with no compassion or conscious to think INSIDE the box instead of outside of it you become annoying and obnoxious and no one likes that.

All of this has just been clouding my mind but like always, I’ll find my way onto my path and take charge, I just think I might need to back off and isolate a bit.

Quote Of The Day

“Come to realization of who you really are and grow a bond with yourself to be able to progress in your life loving yourself more than loving someone else..In the end all you have is yourself and only you will understand why you do what you do and if it’s good or bad, be your own role model.”

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