I just got back from Cali yesterday morning
Cali was an eye opener this time around, I found out who were really the people that cared about me and who could care more so about the worlds filth and themselves and their selfish ways than others.We’re put here to help one another and to grow from each other, not be a robot to society and what people want from you.In the end you’re nothing but a tool to it so why not be human and care for someone other than what you’re doing and be around be that you care about?
As I get older I realize how my experiences with people and situations shift.I realized what big mistakes I’ve been making and I’m hurting I admit but it’s time to change some of my ways again.I have some bad habits I need to get rid of and that’s what I’m going to begin to do.
Before leaving Cali I began to realize everything
I know we all have our ups and downs but It’s been a big down time starting this month off.I’m a realist and realize allot of things and it always hits me all at once not little by little.
No one knows how hard it is just sitting here writing this all out.I’m not one to talk bad about people and the actions they may take because I mind my own business and understand people are set in their ways and have their plans and their life to carry on without me.I stick to my feelings and keep them to myself so I won’t be judged but I’m hurt by some things, I really am..For once I broke down my own wall to see what it would be like and didn’t like what I was seeing.I’ve channeled all my emotions that people leave me with to anger as I’ve mentioned before but just recently I channeled it to exactly the emotion I was feeling and realized how hard it hits and understood why I always continued turning to anger.
I’m not depressed but more so ashamed of the way I’ve been acting and how much bullshit I’ve put up with and all the stress and headache I allowed some people to cause me.
I’ve tried, I’ve pushed, I’ve held on, I’ve been the shoulder for someone to lean on, I’ve been understanding, I’ve been everything any friend or person can ask for.
I’m loyal I’m strong I joke and mess around with telling people storys just to make them laugh.But I’m not laughing anymore
And now I’m letting go of all these people I once thought I cared about or considered a friend of any sort.
I’m a solid guy and I can stand on my own completely well It’s just nice to have someone there for you when you need the hand but I don’t need shit from anyone, never really did.People come and go and everyone needs to understand this like I’ve said before, you need to analyze people and intentions before getting too close.Sometimes they’ll even play you off realllly good without you even noticing and by next week you find out you’re just a thing of the past.
It’s how life works
Turning to drugs or alcohol will just throw you in an even more depressive state of mind when you come down from it all so please, don’t be pointless and stupid.
Being strong is to be admired being weak is to be looked at as easy to toy, which do you prefer?
Change is something I don’t like doing because I like to set myself in motion and go with it I don’t like having to change so much about myself and then wonder if I’m even the same person because of all these multiple personalities I’ve created for myself to adapt to certain situations.People have a strong impact on your life so don’t let anyone fuck up what you’ve built for yourself, be the smarter mature one.Taking a risk is fun and great sometimes but it’s a matter of who it is you’re taking the risk for, You never know right? well that’s the situation I’ve always been in. So ‘I’ personally won’t be taking much risks anymore because I just end up hurting myself in the long run.But these are lessons for you to realize what YOU might be doing wrong instead of someone doing to you.Sometimes people just need to step in your life to show you where you’re going wrong with yourself and learn from there.
For now I’ll focus on myself once again and not worry about anyone or anything else other than my own issues and my own personal problems.I can’t trust anyone these days to be quite honest so no ones worth taking risks for right now.
Way to make you feel foolish in the end
For those who have stuck by me and have shown helped me get through things thank you allot and I appreciate the care and un-selfishness shown and the help given to me.
I didn’t intend this post to be negative just an eye opener to those who are so down for their friends or people who don’t really appreciate much of what you do for them or even thank you in the end.
Quote Of The Day
“There’s people who are worth knowing and theres people who are as pointless knowing as a leaf withering away.”