I don’t quite understand forgiveness to be honest
I’m a grudge holder for this reason
I understand none of us are perfect but when I personally make a mistake I take it to heart and learn from it because I have learned what I did wrong and corrected it or at least tried to and did my best.
I put my heart into almost everything I do, not everything because you don’t want to be naive and fuck yourself over when you could of simply avoided some bullshit that was about to go down.You have to be smart about the people you meet.
It seems as if almost everyone I’ve once gotten close to and trusted for a very long time has done this lately.
They call you or text you and say they miss you yet they haven’t had 5 min out of their day to let you know they care about you or to hear what’s going on in your life?
The Main Excuse:I’ve been busy
It’s funny because there are some people I’ve known for quite some time that are burried in work but have managed to stay up to date and keep in touch and not blow me off to talk to someone else.But when they meet someone new you’ve been completely forgotten and when you do the same shit back THEY FLIP and think you’re fucking stupid or make you out to be the victim.
I’m not trying to sound like a baby because I personally don’t give a fuck.Meeting someone for me is as easy as dropping them as well regardless and if I’ve known them for years (like the people I’ve known) I’ll still drop them because that’s unacceptable.
I don’t go around telling my fucking business to people just so they can put me on the back burner and pull me back up whenever they “miss me”.
Running back with the “I’ve missed you” bullshit just lights me the fuck up.Knowing me and my temper and my point of views I can’t help but to get pissed.
Lets say something was very wrong with me or I lost someone close?
Who are you suppose to run to if the person you thought you were the closest to has shunned you because they’ve “been busy”?
I’m not talking about acquaintances you meet and then realize they don’t give a shit about you. I’m talking about the people you’ve known for a long time that up and vanish from your life and want back in whenever they please.
I find that bullshit
If you’re too busy to even give a hello or how have you been? then why the fuck are you contacting me now? you know?
I understand if something fucked up in their life and they needed time away to fix themselves up but that petty excuse bullshit, has to go.
Whenever I know I’m close with someone I make the effort to talk to them no matter how busy I am or whatever is on my agenda for the week because I know if they were ever feeling a certain way I’d want to hear about it and be there to comfort them.I’m not nosy and if someone tells me to back off I’ll back off more than what I need to to give someone the room they need.
Maybe I am too needy or maybe I am too giving but that’s just the type of person I am
I take deep friendships very serious because it’s rare to find people you can communicate with and have deep conversations with and I enjoy that.When you can’t trust family you run to the closest people you’ve known and when not even they’re there for you where are you suppose to run?
If someones going to waste my time and just up and leave my life like that what’s the point of even building something with that person you thought you could of trusted? maybe I needed to learn something from them, learned it and now it’s time to move on? I’m not sure but I’d like it if those people just didn’t try contacting me ever again, which is why i’m changing my number as soon as I can.Already did the part of deleting them, ignoring them and acting as if they never existed now it’s time to change my number to rid them for good and start new unfortunately.
This is life though and sometimes you meet the WRONG people, but that’s why you learn!
And I’ve DEFINITELY LEARNED the hard way too
I honestly believe it is because I’m TOO nice though since I’m willing to go so far for someone else.
My mom always tells me that the only person you can trust is yourself because you can do a million favors for someone but you ask for 1 favor from them and no one wants to help you.She’s very right too because that’s exactly how it goes.
I can depend on myself 100% and make myself happier than anyone else has ever made me.But my point about this is WHY waste my time bullshiting and then running back to me when you realize you’re just as lonely.
So to end this blog I’d like to state that I’m not complaining about wanting or needing attention I’m complaining about meeting someone, becoming close and then being tossed aside and being brought back out whenever it’s convenient for them.If you’re going to leave, leave for good.
And for the record You’re not going to gain shit off me if that’s why you even began talking to me.
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